


Out On A Limb

by ImLaughingImCrying



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Bad Decisions, Child Abuse, Death, Dubious Consent, First story, Friendship/Love, Jealousy, Limerence, Manipulation, Mind Games, Multi, Near Death Experiences, Pennywise (IT) Being an Asshole, Physical Abuse, Psychological Torture, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Slow Build, Trauma, Triggers, this is really bad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-02-14 16:42:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 39,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13011897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImLaughingImCrying/pseuds/ImLaughingImCrying
Summary: Were you always one to pick a fight? Or were you simply one to just go out on a limb?





	1. Bite The Bullet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First story you might like it, you might not. I swear I read this over like 1,000 times so if you find a typo please tell me. Enjoy❀

The woman groped onto her bulged stomach, beating at it from time to time because of the source within it. Her babe. She flung her head back, screaming and cursing at the air in agony while she struggled to go up the stairs. Knocking down her glass bud vase and picture frames on accident.

 

"Lord, help me!" She cried once she was laid upon her bed. Fingers intertwining around her cotton nightgown as she prepared for the delivery. Pushing as hard as she could till she saw the bloody-red color pool between her legs. 

 

"Holy Mary, pray for me-Saint Joseph, pray for me. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph assist me in my last agony!" Her mouth was parched, her throat was dry and out came her final ear-splitting screech. Before everything went silent, her gaze was unwavering and you would think she was dead before she ever so slightly moved her sweaty legs, feeling something between them.

 

Slowly she pulled her dress up and gasped once she saw the wet, gleaming flesh of the babe. It turned it's chubby head side to side letting out small whimpers and coos. Her eyes watered as she watched it, and only one word came to her mind,  _sin._

 

"Go to hell..." She turned, opened her drawer and took out her scissors that she would use for sewing. Positioning it and then abruptly striking down to pierce the now weeping baby. She stopped just above its face once she met the small eyes of it.  _Those eyes._ Her hand slowly retreated back placing the scissors down and cradled the crying newborn near her chest.

 

                                                                                                              ✄

 

**Unlucky Morning**

 

"School is such a crock..." Beverly, your best friend moaned out as the both of you walked out of school. It had been the last day,  _good riddance to bad trash!_ The both of you had had a perilous time in that hellhole due to bullies, luckily she was there for you and you were there for her. 

 

"Thank God today is the last day." You nodded your head to what the ginger had said, then she abruptly stopped walking. "Look over there." You followed her gaze and saw the new kid on the block, carrying a project in between his hands. He had short brown hair and was rather fat for his age. You watched as he nearly tripped over the wires of his headphones that dangled on the ground.

 

"What, you got a crush on him?" You questioned Beverly, to which she ignored then soon proceeded to walk to him.

 

She signaled for you to follow her.

 

You looked at your watch and realized that it was almost past the time your mother wanted you back home.

 

"No can do, Bev. Gotta go home, bye." You hurriedly unlocked your bike lock and rode all the way back home, already knowing your mother's reaction. 

 

 

"Why were you gone for so long?!" You slowly placed your book bag on the ground, afraid that she might hit you. "Mother, I'm sorry. It'll never happen again." You said to the woman who now clutched the threating broomstick between her hand.

 

"Go to your room." She demanded. You were glad that she didn't harm you or worse, put you in 'The Bad Girl Closet'. Whenever you had done something bad your mother would always force you into a small closet, filled with mirrors and crosses and would tell you, "Look at yourself. You're hideous aren't you." Even though you would scream and cry she wouldn't let you out until she was satisfied.

 

Most times her words stuck to you like a horrible bite from a dog. You would remember them and think that they were really true. Most times, when you were in public you would use a scarf or style your hair in a way that would block some of your face. Like your big, ugly forehead or your goofy looking nose.

 

You undressed and turned on the faucet. Once the water was up to the length you desired you soon put some of your mother's stress relief bubble bath soap into it. It had always come in handy with a nice warm cup of sweet chamomile tea before bed. The bubble bath was warm and pleasant like always. It was one of the things you had taken pleasure in doing in life. Soon your eyelids grew heavy and before you knew it sleepiness had taken over your body.

 

It was all black and you could see your mother with tears swelled in her now big broad eyes. "I wish I had never given birth to you! I wish you would just die!" She screamed with with clenched fists.

 

"(Name)! Dinner's ready!" You woken up with a startled jump due to your mother's voice. But you couldn't help but notice that between your splayed out legs was the peak of a clown's head. You could see only its eyes and the tip of its nose just above the soapy water. It was staring at you with glowing yellow irises, it had ginger-colored hair which was slicked back against its big white forehead due to the water. You let out a shrill scream as you tried to crawl out of the bathtub, your calves ached from hitting the porcelain of it while you struggled to grab your towel. You clumsily slipped into the hallway, looking like a weird break dancer and soon ending it all with a painful split and an excruciating howl. 

 

Your mother came running up the stairs to see what had happened and shook her head in disbelief once she had found you curled up in a ball with the towel pressed against your heaving chest, along with the wet trail from the bathtub following into the hallway.

 

"14 years old and still makes the clumsiest of mistakes." You gasped loudly at what she had said and reached a hand out to grab her by the shirt. Only to retreat it back once you felt pain in your pelvis. You watched as she walked back into the kitchen as you kept screeching for her to help you.

 

The sound of your cymbal-banging monkey toy loudly banging the cymbals together filled your ears. When you looked up it was right on top of your mother's ironing board. But instead of being a monkey, it was in the form of the same clown from before. Soon you heard a childlike giggle and that's when you tried to scoot your way into your bedroom. Fear already getting the best of you.

 

                                                                                                                ✄  

 

"Just die! I don't ever want to see you again! You are an abomination!" Your mother would sometimes tell you a story. A true story that she had gotten raped in high school. It was  _ungodly_ and out came you, the abomination. Bullies would be at school waiting for you, to punch you here and there. Giving you the ghastliest of bruises, it was no surprise that when people saw you, they thought you had harmed your self.  _Ha!_ Not like you didn't do it anyways.

 

"Mom, where are the razors?" You would lock the bathroom door, take out the blade and inflict the grief upon yourself. It would be hard to hide the scars due to Greta Bowie and her friends. They'd pull you into the bathroom and violently roll up your sleeves, exposing the cuts and laughing at _'the little shit'._ A nickname they would call you. The only person who you trusted and that knew about your secret was Beverly. But you had always hated the saddened face she would give you once she would see how deep the cuts were.

 

"I'm okay, I promise." You would fake a smile and pull your sleeves over the cuts. Teachers and adults were supposed to help students in need, right?  _Ha!_ That was a complete fabrication! _They didn't do shit!_  

 

And then there, before you stood the huge cymbal-banging monkey toy. But again, it wasn't a monkey it was a clown. It was towering over you while you covered your ears from its horrendous laughter and the banging of the cymbals.

 

In the morning you woke up with a cold sweat, the pain in your pelvis had reduced and you could finally walk on your own two feet again.

 

"Hello?" You asked.

 

"Hey, can you...uh...help me with something?" Beverly asked from the telephone with a nervous voice.

 

"Okay? Let me just ask my mom if I can go outside today." You ran upstairs and asked your sleepy mother if you could go outside. She gave out a sluggish, "Be back home at 6." Before falling back to sleep.

 

                                                                                                                ✄ 

 

" _God_ , hurry up and pick one!" Beverly groaned out while she held onto her stomach. She had been on her period and needed your help. To be honest you didn't really know much about periods since your mother would hardly talk to you about them. 

 

"Jeez, it's just your period. No need to worry." You spoke while picking up the Tampax box and turning to the angered girl. Her face was as bright as a tomatoe and the freckles on her cheeks made her look like one with spots on it.

 

"Lemme tell you something, (Name). The words  _just_ and  _period_ don't go together." She faked a toothy grin before snatching the box out of your hands and walking like an old witch towards the cashier. All of a sudden her back straightened. Greta Bowie was in the aisle that the both of you were about to walk into. You both made a U-turn, and then her back straightened again. She hid the box behind her back once she saw three boys that you had seen before in your class, searching through the medical section.

 

"You okay?" One of the boys asked her. She stared at them in awkwardness. "I'm fine, what's wrong with you?"

 

"None of your business." The same boy said with steady eyes. "There's a kid outside, looked like someone killed him." The boy holding all the supplies said.

 

"We need some su-su-supplies but we don't have enough money." You stared up at Beverly waiting for her to do something or say something.

 

 

"Are you okay?" You asked the new kid on the block who went by the name Ben. He had a long bloody cut underneath his big belly to which you cringed at when you looked at it. You could imagine all his fat ploping out of the long cut and onto the cement ground.

 

"Uh...yeah I'm good-I just fell."

 

"Right into Henry Bower." Richie stated. Did Henry hurt him? Maybe he had been chased from him and took a hard fall onto a sharp twig?

 

After spending some time lost in your own thoughts, you had finally heard Beverly speak up. "Maybe, I'll see you around." Beverly grabbed your hand and walked you away from the group of boys. "That was weird..."

 

                                                                                                                 ✄

 

It had been several days since Beverly had called you. You wondered if something had happened to her. Maybe she was hurt. Or maybe her father had hurt her. She had told you her secret about him, you felt bad for her and wouldn't wish what she was experiencing upon anybody. Maybe he had decided that she was to be punished because she had cut her hair? Or maybe he had found out that she was hanging around boys and didn't like it?

 

"Do you guys know what happened to Bev?" You asked the group of boys as they did different types of tricks on their bicycles trying to impress you.

 

"Hm, the last we saw her was about three days ago." Eddie said.

 

"Yeah, and she was hot." Richie chimed in with googly-eyes. You hopped up onto your bicycle and followed after them. You enjoyed the cool breeze but what you disliked about it the most was how it whipped against your hair, showing off your big, ugly forehead and goofy looking nose. 

 

After some time of mindlessly riding on your bicycle with your friends, the lot of you abruptly took a halt once you heard Beverly's voice.

 

"Guys!" A desperate Beverly called out as she now stood in front of the group of you. "I need to show you guys something."

 

Richie was left outside as the rest of you went into Beverly's home. "In there." She said almost in a whisper while she pointed to a glowing red door. "What is it?" You asked. "You'll see."

 

Bill opened the door and there it was. A blood red bathroom as bright as the brightest crimson you had ever seen. You heard Eddie gag and Beverly went on about how her father couldn't see the mess.

 

"We can't leave it this way." Was all Bill said.

 

Soon after ever one was cleaning the bathroom. You moped the floor while everyone else attended to the rest of the bloody mess. The bathroom was soon blood free. Beverly shared her thanks, making sure everybody wiped the bottom of their shoes before stepping out and into the hallway.

 

"Hey, I wasn't the one scrubbing the bathroom floor and imaging that her sink went all Eddie's mom's vagina on Halloween!" Richie exclaimed as he rode his bicycle in circles around everyone.

 

"She wasn't imaging it," Bill stopped walking and so did everyone else, "I saw G-G-Georgie. It seemed so real. I mean-It seemed like him but-"

 

"The clown." Eddie said while staring at the ground. You glared up at Bill and slowly nodded your head at him, "I saw it as well."

 

"Oh God, that's Henry Bower's car!" Richie pointed towards the car parked near the grass. You could hear the sounds of grunting and shouting on the other side of the bush.

 

"Isn't that the homeschooled kids bike?" 

 

"Homeschooled kid?" You questioned staring at the bike which laid on the grass.

 

"Yeah it's Mikes. We have to help him." Beverly let go of the handle of her bicycle and went into the bushes were the voices emitted from.

 

You gasped watching as Henry Bower pinned Mike to the ground, proceeding to smash a rock against the frightened boys head. Beverly threw a broad rock straight into Henry's temple, causing him to fall to the ground with a 'thud'. The rest of the party stood next to the both of you while Mike stumbled across the small rocky river, making his way onto the side that you were on. Everyone quickly picked up a rock once Henry finally stood up, "You losers are trying too hard. She'll do you. You just gotta ask nicely, like I did." He said while running his hands over his crotch. 

 

You felt uncomfortable once he had made eye contact with you and smirked. Ben let out a loud battle cry causing you and Stanley to jump. He threw a rock at Henry in rage, and that's when it all happened.

 

"Rock war!" Richie screamed out soon getting hit with a rock from Henry and his goons. Rocks went flying this way and that as you dodged them, your hands automatically flung rocks at The Bowers Gang with the help of your friends. Soon Henry was on the ground yet again, leaving his friends to scurry off somewhere. He was defeated and that's when the lot of you decided to evacuate.

 

                                                                                                                    ✄       

 

"Maybe it knows what scares us the most, and that's what we see." Everyone had been talking about the abnormal encounters that everybody had experienced with the strange monster.

 

"I-I saw a leper. It was like a walking infection." Eddie stated.

 

"But you didn't." Stanley said obviously uncomfortable, "Because it isn't real." 

 

"None of this is. Not Eddie's leper, or Bill seeing Georgie, (Name) seeing that clown. Or-or the woman I keep seeing..."

 

"You saw something too?" Eddie asked Mike. Mike went on to explain how he had seen his dead parents who had died due to a fire. You felt remorse for him as he spoke.

 

"Rich, what are you afraid of?" You asked the brown haired boy as he shivered while his attention was focused on something behind him.

 

"Clowns..."

 

 

The garage door was shut closed and the window was covered with a huge paper. You positioned yourself next to Eddie as you gaped up at the big projector screen which showed a map of Derry on it.

 

"Look," Bill pointed a finger at the map. "That's where Georgie disappeared. There's the Ironworks. And The Black Spot."

 

"Everywhere it happens it's all connected by the sewers. And they all meet up at the-"

 

"The Well House." Ben interrupted Bill as he stared at the map in amazement.

 

"The house on Neibolt Street..." Stanley said. You saw Eddie pull out his inhaler, taking a deep puff out of it. Distress was splayed on his face as you gently squeezed his sweaty hand to give him comfort.

 

"That's where I saw it. That's where I saw the clown!" Eddie exclaimed.

 

"That's where it lives," Bill stated. Eddie abruptly got up, blocking the view of the screen.

 

"Can we stop talking about this?! I-I-I can barely breathe. I-I'm about to have a  _fucking_ asthma attack! I can't do this!" He quickly turned around, ripping the paper off of the wall in anger an fear.

 

"What the hell?! Put the map back." Bill demanded to which Eddie shook his head,  _no._ All of a sudden the projector started to switch displays. You saw different pictures of Bill and his family. Mike tried turning it off but to no avail as another picture was displayed on it own.

 

"Georgie..." Bill murmured as yet another picture appeared but this time zooming into Georgie's face. You slowly got up, fear creeping up your back as you steadily made your way away from the projector. Then it was zoomed into Bill's mother's face. Her features turned into that of the same clown that you had seen in the bathtub, and at that moment; you could feel your heart beat increasing. 

 

"What the fuck is that?!" Richie asked as everyone tried to move away from it, except for Bill who had seemed frozen in place as he stared at the flickering picture. You ran up to grab his arm and pull him back, then Mike kicked the projector down. The picture of the clown was gone and was instead replaced with an uncanny blurry image of something you couldn't quite make out.

 

Like a thunderclap, you jumped at the sound of the projector switching displays again. There it was. Another blurry picture of the clown. It flickered once. Then twice. Then three times. And then you were running for your life. Out of the  _wall_ came the _huge_ clown with a smile that went ear to ear and bearing razor-sharp teeth at the lot of you. You huddled in the corner of the garage with all of the screaming boys. Only for your heart to stop once you realized that the monstrosity was charging at Beverly!

 

Mike pulled the garage door open with all the force he had, and thank God that the demon was gone. You fell to your knees, your legs felt like gelatin from terror as your fingers shook and tears ran down your cheeks. Stanley helped you stand up as Beverly slowly removed her hands from her eyes, she was visibly shaking with fear. But once she realized that everyone was okay she made her way towards the cluster of you and your friends and gave you and Bill a hug.

 

Bill soon turned around and quickly grabbed his bicycle. "Come on." He said while everyone stared at him in confusion, "We have to go to the Neibolt House."


	2. Bats In the Belfry

Everyone stood in front of the gloomy unwelcoming Neibolt House, which only gave off one perspective. _Eerie._  You didn't want to go inside it and you could tell that everyone else didn't want to as well. But there had to be someone or something to stop the madness. To stop seeing the Missing Person poster signs everywhere you went. To stop pretending that you didn't care that people went missing in Derry and ignoring that fact. There had to be a stop to it all.

 

You, Bill, Richie, and Eddie slowly walked into the eldritch home, while the rest of the group stayed outside to "keep watch" as Stanley had said. You knew he was scared from the way he gripped his pants or the way he acted as if he'd have Tourette's when he gaped upon the house. But honestly, who wasn't slightly afraid? You turned to look at Richie as he held a crumpled up paper in his hands reading from it.

 

"What?" Bill asked walking up to the now petrified boy. "It...it says I'm missing." The lot of you looked at the paper. It was a picture of Richie above it said  **MISSING**.

 

"That's my shirt-that's my hair-that's my face-that's my age-!" Bill tried to grab the paper out of Richie's wobbly hands as he screamed over and over again.

 

"Calm down this isn't real! Look at me Richie, that isn't real...it's playing tricks on you." You stared back and forth at the boys, feeling the thick tension in the air. Richie's breathing lowered a bit once he had calmed down.

 

"Hello?" Asked a voice that came upstairs, grabbing everyone's attention.

 

"Hello?" It asked again. You felt the need to vomit as your heart raced with fear. You slowly followed after Bill with both hands tightly gripping at the chest of your shirt.

 

"Help me please..." It cried out while the bunch of you steadily stalked towards the stairs where the voice emitted from. The stairs faintly creaked as you transitioned upwards. Once you were up the first flight of stairs you saw a small mouse run across your sneakers. You jumped back, startled. Eddie placed his hand gently upon your shoulder as you all followed after Bill, hands still clutching at your chest only tighter. 

 

There, across the dark hallway was a lone girl. It was none other than Betty Ripsom, one of the missing children in Derry. She stared at all of you then something or someone abruptly grabbed the screaming girl-pulling her back till she was out of view. Leaving you and the others gasping in shock. After some time Bill finally walked forward, to see what had happened to her. You slowly moved your feet to walk behind Richie and Bill. Your grip on your shirt was now a tight seize. 

 

You suddenly turned around and saw Eddie staring at something. Quickly you ran after him calling his name so he could get snapped out of whatever trance he was in. Unexpectedly the door to the room that Richie and Bill were in closed by itself, you gasped and ran back to it, banging on the door and screaming their names. Eddie ran as fast as he could towards you, then suddenly the floor broke up, leaving a gaping hole which prevented him to reach the side you were on.

 

"What the fuck?!" He exclaimed while trying to stop himself from falling into it. You screamed while tightly pressing your body onto the door that Richie and Bill kept pounding at, trying to open it.

 

"Eddie!" You screamed out once you saw a hideous old man that looked like he carried diseases with him behind Eddie. He gripped Eddie's shoulder, "Time to take your pill Eddie." The thing's raspy voice called out. Soon letting out a frighting scream and sticking out it's disgusting tongue at Eddie. Eddie gasped and fell backwards into the hole.

 

You screamed out his name watching him collapse onto a wooden table, breaking it into half. He weakly raised his head up then planted it back down. It seemed as if he had fainted and all you could do was scream and close your eyes.

 

"(Name)! Open the door!" Bill said banging at it and trying to twist the handle open. You quivered with fear not daring to open your tightly shut eyes. Then you heard another door loudly shut close on the side that Bill and Richie had been on.

 

"Richie!" Bill yelled out, banging on the other door. Then you could hear Richie screaming as the door loudly shut again. You slowly opened your eyes, your palms were sweaty and shaky and then you tried to open the door. Careful not to slip and fall off the cliff and land straight onto Eddie. To your surprise the door opened and you slipped yourself inside. The boys ran towards you, checking to see if you were okay.

 

"D-d-don't open that door! The ground j-just opened up....and...." You tried to explain to them, but failing as you stared at them with tears in your big eyes.

 

"We have to get out of here." Bill said suddenly turning around due to the giggling in one of the rooms. Way across the hallway was a filthy mattress and out came Eddie's head all dirty and gross looking.

 

"You wanna play loogie?" He asked as everyone started at him frozen with fear. Then, somehow, someway a black liquid substance came running down his mouth. It came from underneath the mattress then made it's way towards you guys. Eddie let out an evil distorted laughter, shaking his body then vanishing beneath the mattress.

 

"Oh my god..." You weakly spoke watching as the steamy inky substance inched towards you. You turned around proceeding to run out of the room only to come to a halt once you saw three doors.  _Not Scary At All, Scary and Very Scary._ Each one of them had written on the door. You looked at the  _Not Scary At All_ door then back at Richie and Bill, you all ran towards it in a haste.

 

"Where's my shoe?" Asked a voice in the pitch black darkness. Bill pulled the light switch and that's when you saw a girl dangling from the ceiling with no abdomen or legs. She screamed loudly and so did everyone else, you slammed the door shut. Turning to look at the black liquid moving steadily closer to the group of you. You gripped onto your head with worry thinking of something to do.

 

"This...this isn't real." Bill urgently stated to both you and Richie, "Remember the missing kid poster-that wasn't real. So this isn't real."

 

"Come on? Ready?" Bill asked as you and Richie went behind him as Bill got ready to run into the  _Very Scary_ door.

 

"No!" Richie cried out. Bill quickly pulled the door open. "Thank god..." You gasped out with wobbly hands once you saw the dirty hallway of the house.

 

"Where's Eddie?" Bill asked. Right when he had said that you heard Eddie's loud scream, you all ran down the hallway. You pushed the door open with your side, and nearly fainted at the sight before you. 

 

Croutched down over Eddie was the same clown that you along with the other's had constantly been seeing. Your shaky hands found it's way to your chest. Gripping and twisting at the shirt you wore. The clown let go of Eddie's face and eyed you, Richie and Bill. You took a step back once you saw his glowing yellow eyes.

 

"This isn't real enough for you Billy?" His voice sounded like nails brutally scratching at a chalkboard. "I'm not real enough for you?" He was now frowning and shaking. "I was real enough for Georgie." The monster grinned up at him with a sinister smile. Laughing like a manic at Bill's reaction. It abruptly got up, it's hands stuck out as it charged at the lot of you. You screamed and shut your eyes gripping at the side of Richie's shirt and expecting to feel impact.

 

Beverly came from thin air stabbing it straight in the head with what you had guessed was a fireplace poker. The clown was frozen in place with it's blood which begun to flow out of his right eye as he let out a ghastly sound. The rest of the Losers' came from where Beverly had emerged from, staring at the creature in shock. You ran towards Eddie to help him get up. He let out shrill screams and that's when you saw the clown proceed to straighten it's arched over back.

 

"We gotta get outta here!" You heard Richie cry out, then the clown turned around-exposing sharp dirty teeth, his left eye was bright red and you begun to shake Bill's shirt as a  _hurry, we need to get out of here-now_  sign. The clown inched towards you, Beverly, Richie, Eddie and Bill. It's hand turned into black claws and everyone screamed with fear. The monstrosity abruptly moved closer and let out a penetrating scream causing everyone to jump. It chuckled from everyone's reaction, then as fast as a speeding bullet he spun around and clawed at Ben's stomach. Ben gripped his stomach and winced in pain, soon falling on top of Mike. The clown watched everyone with hatred in it's eyes, then backed up and soon evacuated the area.

 

"Don't let it go away!" Bill yelled, getting up to follow the monster. "Don't-don't!" You shouted while clenching onto his black and red shirt. You followed after him, through the door and down the stairs. That's when you saw the damned thing going down a beat-up well.

 

"Do not fucking touch me-do not!" Richie swiftly grasped Eddie's broken arm, propelling it back into place. Eddie's mouth gaped open, his eye's turned as wide as the sky once he heard the snap of his bones and you could tell just how painful it felt once you heard his roaring scream.

 

                                                                                                                             ❤❤❤

 

**Night- 8:00**

 

You sat on your bed, fiddling with the bloody razor blade that you had used to cut yourself. It had been three weeks since _that_ day. You wept and wept until your head had hurt. It felt as if all of The Losers' Club had been divided. Back at the Neibolt house Bill and Richie had a fight. You couldn't shake off what Stanley had called Bill.  _Crazy_ and you kept remembering how Bill had punched Richie across his face. 

 

You pulled your sleeve up so that you could look at your other wrists. It had five cuts on it which had begun to heal from the last time you had cut which had dark red, dried up blood on the crest. You placed the blade on one of them, getting ready to slice and that's when you heard Mr. Sandman by The Chordettes being played downstairs. You could hear your mother singing along to it, which was odd since she never listened to that type of music. The only type of music your mother would ever listen to was Christian music. You slowly went down the stairs to check up on her.

 

_Mr. Sandman, bring me a drink (bung, bung, bung, bung)_

 

The music got louder with each step you took.

 

_Make him the cutest that I've ever seen (bung, bung, bung bung)_

 

Her back was facing towards you, and could see that she was doing the most strangest dance move too. Both arms in the air, her hips slowly swaying side to side. On the table laid an empty bottle of alcohol,it seemed as if she had been drinking. Again, something she would rarely do.

 

_Give him two lips like roses and clover (bung, bung, bung, bung)_

 

"Mother, are you okay?" You asked her. Her hands slowly dropped to her sides and that's when she finally stopped dancing and singing, letting out a shaky breath.

 

"You're bleeding..." She didn't sound very much like herself when she had said that. Dread filling you from head to toe when you thought for a second that it had been an intruder dressed up as her. You quickly grabbed one of the glass plates from the shelves on the wall and smashed it against "her" head. It fell face first onto the ground as you watched with heavy breathing. You knew that that couldn't be your mother, she never stayed up late and didn't drink alcohol.

 

You quickly made your way to the corded house phone. You planned on calling the police then checking inside of your mother's bedroom to see if she was really there. Before you could press the second 1 your "mother" slowly got up, cracking its neck then turned around.  _It really was her!_ But how?! She never drank alcohol, stayed up late or listened to anything other than Christian music. 

 

"What the Devil?!" She asked furiously while rubbing the side of her head. "I'm sorry, mama..." She clicked her tongue then stared deeply and dauntingly into your eyes.

 

"What were you doing...upstairs?" Her eyes were wide and her glare made you feel small and meek. There was no way she could have known what you were inside of your bedroom.

 

"Stop it, you're scaring me." She forcefully pushed you against the wall once you had said that. You let out a scream then the back of your head painfully met the wall, instantly shutting you up. You could feel your sleeves being pulled up and a hand seizing your arm so hard that you could feel the subtle crimson moisture seep from out of the cuts. Hissing out in pain you looked up and saw the same horrific clown that constantly haunted you in your dreams. He'd run his tongue over the wounds with greediness which caused you to suddenly recoil.

 

His lips were red, his eyes were yellow as gold, his skin was as white as leprosy, a true nightmare before you.

 

Even though he was now over your body, you barely felt any fear. You just felt  _empty._ Your friends are gone and divided, school will start again and you'll just go back to being bullied. Your mother wasn't much help either. So why feel fear when you could feel empty. Dead. Death was like a shortcut in life to you. You die and that's it, no need to worry about anyone or anything anymore. It'll all be over.

 

You clutched the clown's blazing hair, pulling his face into your neck. "Kill me, kill me please..." You begged him with tears running down your face. "I just wanna die...please..." You could feel him smirk against your neck, then he slowly pulled his face back, mere inches away from yours.

 

"Nah...you're weird." His words made you go rigid.  _Weird?_  Is that why he wouldn't put you out of your misery? Wasn't that what he wanted to do all this time?

 

"You have the shining." He said slowly licking your neck, "I'll kill the other Losers' and keep you all to myself.  _Oh_ , the fun you and lil' ole me'll have." Once he mentioned your friends you beat at his hard chest. Fear finally got to you, it was as if he knew how to get underneath your skin. Find a reason to make you not want to die, a reason to be  _afraid_ of him.

 

At that very moment, all your conceptions, even your will to die, seemed utterly unimportant, "You stay away from them you son of a bitch!" He had a sly look on his face as he eyed you with a  _how cute_  look. This made more rage and panic bubble up inside of your body.  _Shining?_ _He won't kill me because I have a shining?!_

 

While you were in your reverie, he attacked the flesh of your neck with rough, ravenous intensity. His weight being pushed onto you-that alone made you gasp out in pain at how he had crushed you. His sharp teeth ran across the shell of your ear, nibbling and nipping at it. The feeling was odd to you, but at the same time slightly delectable. You shamelessly arch into him, hands gripping at the chest of his dirty white suit. He shifts to normal teeth then licks the shell of your now hot ear, a heavy, feral growl emitted from his throat. It was as if you had mood swings, one second angry and then the other lustful. Maybe something was wrong with you, or maybe he was just that good at toying with his food.

 

His kisses went downwards to your jaw, you writhe in order to get your lips to touch his plump red ones. This action causes him to purr and smirk at how desperate you were. To your dismay he pulls away, you were left weak and faltering from his cliffhanger of a kiss.

 

"Aww, why are you still crying?" He asked watching as a tear fell down your cheek. He leaned in and gave it a long lick, licking your open eye in the process. You quickly closed it and groaned in disgust as he retreated back. "There's no need to cry, Little Mouse. Especially when you're with me." Abruptly he went for your neck again but this time giving you a painful bite then lapping at the dripping blood. You winced in pain but still gave way to him. 

 

"Property of Pennywise." He stated. His name was odd but you felt slight relief once you had realized that he had left. You felt flustered and weak and brittle. This was nothing but a nasty bitter pill!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song I had used was Mr. Sandman by The Chordettes.


	3. Basket Case

 

**Morning**

You decided to refrain from telling Bill that the Devil himself had met you last night. A light silk scarf that your mother had made  was the only thing you could use to hide the mark that he had given you on the side of your neck.

 

"If yo-yo-you need anything, make sure to call me or Beverly-okay?" Bill demanded rather than asked as he got ready to go upon his bicycle. You nodded your head at him, soon watching as he left, leaving you alone on the empty sidewalk. After some time, you could subtly feel two hands hovering just above your shoulders, and right when you were about to get up and run back home, you had gotten pulled back by them and into the thick bushes.

 

The twigs of the bushes painfully scraped against your skin for what seemed like forever, and that's when you finally opened your eyes with a groan and looked around the clearing. You were placed in a beautiful forest, you had almost gotten lost in the captivating view of the soft green breadth of grass and trees, until you heard someone loudly clear their throat above you. Looking up, your breath hitched in your throat when you saw the Devil that went by the name Pennywise standing above you with both hands crossed over his chest.

 

He was seemingly inanimate as a statue, except for his two brilliant yellow eyes that looked down on you intently like flames in a skull.  _Unnerving_ it made you felt, and you sound found yourself recoiling from the faint cry of a bird.

 

"What do  _you_ want?!" You the loathsome thing angrily yet you were practically shuddering by his strong gaze that never left you.

 

"My little Mouse, you know already that I hate those losers'..." You didn't like the pet name he had given you. And you knew that his hate for your friends overrode your stupid dislike of it. Your friends, they had been with you through thick and thin and you would gladly give up your life for theirs.

 

"If I submit to you, will you leave them alone?" You hoped that he would come up with some kind of acceptance to what you were offering and leave them be, but he was a monster, not a gentle giant.

 

"Oh no, (Name)! Let's not be greedy, now. Nothing can stop my will to kill each and every one of them and keep you to myself." His words made your hands curl up into fist till you felt a stinging pain in your palms. Oh, how you hated him! You didn't care who he was or what he was, for all you knew, he probaby came from behind the moon.

 

"Why-" You then remembered what your mother would tell you, "Sometimes, all you really have to do is say no and stand up for yourself." You pulled back your tears and shot your head up at the brute, "Try me-I dare you, what's even the point of trying to threaten me? You'll never feel any better if the only thing you ever do is watch people suffer, you pitiful beast!"

 

He pulled his head down and laughed like God, "Like mother, like daughter. Would you truly enjoy being the same person who locked you up in a closet for hours or who beat you with a broomstick until your wrists turned red? Crashing, just like your father!" When he saw your shocked expression he flung his head back and let out a booming laugh. Was he making hints that your father had died in a car crash?

 

"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" Each time you screamed out you would bang your hands at the dirt, not wanting to hear any more from him. You swiftly got up onto your two feet and quickly ran away from the area. Your heart felt as if it had gotten broken into thousands of pieces as you slid down the trunk of a tree. Your wet face was buried in your knees and all you did was weep. You wept due to the hurtful words he had spat, wept due to the fact that he was right. And wept since you didn't know what to do to help your endangered friends.

 

You could soon hear a faint saunter coming from behind you, "I was kidding-I was kidding! You need to learn how to take a joke, pal!" The clown exclaimed, startling you. You rose to your feet again, this time letting him know that you were not one to be tampered with.

 

For a moment you only gazed up at him and then you started as if awakened from a deep thought, "Don't touch me!" His hand reverted back and he had an intrigued look on his face along with his stupid smirk that filled you with rage. "I don't care who you think you are, I don't care if you may know every bit of information about me. But I'll save my friends. I'll protect them and I'll do it without stooping to your level," You slowly walked towards him, you were completly incensed. "Because I'm not a heartless fiend like you!"

 

He still held his malicious smirk with half-lidded eyes. Abruptly taking a step closer to you, and that's when you jumped back with fear. "Whoa, what are you going to do?!" You asked frightfully, as you studied the monster, as if trying to discern the meaning of his expression.

 

"Kill me right here?!" You usually didn't care about living...but your friends. "It'll only prove everything I've said about you was true, that you're heartless and a fiend." You tried to get under his skin so that he would think the idea of taking your life would only satisfy your wish. But you knew that he was smart and was always 100 steps before you. He cocked his head to the side with a curious expression, still taking small steps towards you as you went backward.

 

In one quick motion, he leaped upon your body, robust hands around the back of your head and yours on his back, it seemed to all happen in slow motion but then your body soon painfully met the ground. His hands were pinned by the sides of your head and his knees were on either side of yours.

 

You stared up at him with shock, "What the-" soon getting cut off by his index finger being placed against you're lips.

 

"You need to relax, Mouse. Stress  _is_ a beauty killer among you humans." He deadpanned as his hand stroked your hair, then soon wandered down to your throat. He clasped his hand around it then violently pushed down, making you gag.

 

"Humans are so fragile, do you know how easy it would be to crush your larynx right now,  _hm?_ Or would you rather me pleasure you? Hehe... _"_   You licked your lips and stared at him for a couple of seconds, soon pushing against his touch to show him that you weren't afraid. But like always, you knew that he could see right through your disguise. It was like you were naked right in front of him, completely exposed and vulnerable. He knew that you were enjoying it and after a long while of having him pressed up against you and squeezing your throat till saliva ran down your chin, he got up and you were faced with his back.

 

"You know, my little Mouse; you should learn how to control that mouth of yours." 

 

"My name is not Mouse it's (Name)!" You hated it when he called you that, it was stupid and completely embarrassing.

 

He let out a sigh and shook his head, "Okay, Mouse." God, did he love to mess with people.

 

"Shut up..." You quietly huffed out and walked away from him. You could feel him slowly stalking behind you, "Nice place isn't it?" He'd rasp out while placing a violet in your hair. You rolled your eyes at him in annoyance but nodded your head to his question. The forest really  _was_ nice, you had never come across it once in Derry. And now that you had begun to take in the true beauty of the place, you could hear the different animals that sung their beautiful chours, and the pretty greens of the bushes accompanied with thousands of colorful flowers and tall cypresses.

 

After endless hours of him subtly touching you here and there and constantly tossing questions at one another, you finally decided to call it a day once you took notice of just how dark it had gotten.

 

                                                                                                                         ♛ 

 

 "Um, (Name) don't you think it's a bit too hot to be wearing on a scarf?" Beverly asked you. It was evening and the both of you had met at a small, nearly empty park, now sitting on the swings and talking to each other.

 

"Yeah...but I wear scarfs all the time so it's no biggie." You told her, hoping that she would soon stray away from the topic.

 

"That's true. So, how has it been with you and your mother lately?" 

 

"Fine, I guess. I just really miss the others you know?" You could feel tears brimming in your eyes once you had brought up the rest of your friends which you missed dearly.

 

"Yeah...me too. You know, I saw Richie at the arcade earlier today, he might still be there." She got off of the swing and picked up her small handbag.

 

"What?! Don't tell me you hope on trying to talk to him!?" You remembered what Pennywise had told you, he didn't want to see you with them. That meant you shouldn't have been hanging out with Beverly in the first place. You quickly lifted your self from the seat of the swing and slowly strayed away from her.

 

"Ah, (Name) where are you going?"

 

"I-I have to do something...I have to...feed my pet turtle." You lied and ran away from her. Hoping that she wasn't following after you on her bicycle, wishing that you had bung yours. 

 

You took a sharp turn down a slightly darkened alleyway, gasping for air. You felt so bad for running away from her, why did you always have to get pushed around by everyone around you? You shouldn't have listened to what that pitiful monster had told you to do to begin with, this was simply making matters worse.

 

"Good girl." A velvety voice say. Then you could feel a sensation of something soft stroking your hair. Like always he was intoxicating and all you could do was fall for him each time, even if you hated it. You leaned against him, your hands gripping the chest of his suit.

 

"It...It hurts. Make it stop. Make it stop please." You cried out as tears ran down your cheeks and plopped onto the cement underneath your feet. Lying to your friends hurt, being forced to do something you didn't want to hurt. You wanted it all to be over.  _Why_ couldn't it just be over?

 

"Come now, little Mouse. There's no need to fret-Pennywise is here." He engulfed you in his warmth, "As long as you're with me, everything will be alright." His words comforted you but you didn't want them to. He was  _lying._ He was using you for his own selfish pleasures. He'd comfort you when you were down, then at any moment, he'd strike, and make you feel like a total lackluster.

 

"I want to go home..." You weakly spoke out getting lost in his blue hues. It was as if a tar black shadow covered most of his face, and his hair reminded you of cinders in the dark. You couldn't tell if he were grinning or frowning from the way his eyes danced with so much emotion. Then in a blink of an eye, you were placed in your bedroom. You quickly pulled yourself away from him, feeling grossed out from how close he was to you, and soon seated yourself on the edge of your bed. 

 

"I-I don't think you should be here, my mother's still home." Even though a part of you wanted him to stay by your side, a voice in your head kept screaming  _no!_

 

"Don't worry she just opened the fridge." He stated while taking a seat next to you. You stared at him with a shocked expression on your face.

 

"You can really hear that?!" He nodded his head to your question with a smile on his face.

 

"Wow, that's crazy. Can you fly too? Or shoot lasers from your eyes. Oh! Or can you breathe fire?!" You now had tons of questions to ask him, like if he had a birthday or if he liked sunny-side ups or scrambled eggs.

 

"Don't you have a mother? Or a loved one?" You felt bad as his smile faltered once you had asked him that question.

 

"I don't believe so. Maybe I killed her, for all I know." You instinctively gave him a hug, "Don't worry you, have me." You instantly regretted what you had said and you knew that he was smiling now.

 

"I know."

 

                                                                                                                         ♛ 

 

Oh, how you hated how weak you were. Always falling for everyone and being used as a punching bag. You only hoped that this was a bad dream and prayed that you would wake up soon, but didn't dare open your eyes for the Devil might've been right before you. Smiling with his gleaming yellow eyes and coaxing you, manipulating you with sickly sweet words. Knowing that you would always kneel once you heard them. Something told you that you weren't his first Mouse or his last.

 

You were in what seemed to be the forest that Pennywise had taken you to the same day you saw Bill. But this time the forest was a monochromatic black. The trees were tall and lanky and frightened you each time you blinked through your teary eyes. You could make out the silhouette of him. The  _monster_ not to far away from you. You made a sharp turn on your heelsand proceeded to run away, only to feel a pair of claws sinking deeply into the flesh of your shoulders. Your body was pushed down onto the ground and you could feel a sharp thing slowly run against your back. You couldn't scream due to the fear that seemed to freeze your body. Then...

 

"Mouse." He whispered and you soon felt the pointed object sink so deeply and so painfully into your back, to the point that you thought it had touched your spine. This intense pain caused you to finally lift up your head and scream as loud as a banshee.

 

 

You jolted upwards with a shaky breath, looking around the room for the clown. You could smell his scent, popcorn, peanuts and candy apples lingering in the air and feel the warmth radiating off of his body. A weird mixture of joy and dread bubbled in your chest once you noticed that he was laid in bed next to you. It was weird seeing him sleep, you pressed your face upon his back, savoring each second of lying next to him.

 

You froze when you felt him begin to stir in his sleep till he was now facing you. It took you by shock when his arms wrapped around your body. The nervousness you felt soon subsided and you immediately tightened your grip around him, forgetting all about the bad dream and burying your face into the ruffles around his neck which gave you comfort. You could feel his lips gently brush against the shell of your ear, causing it to feel hot. A chuckle came from him, then in a quick movement he rolled over so that he was now on top of you. Both legs splayed apart, pulling the covers over your heads as if the both of you were in a dark cave together.

 

He playfully nibbled at the tender flesh of your neck making funny eating sounds which prompted you to laugh at the ticklish feeling. 

 

"Good morning, Penny." He pulled away with a smile on his face.

 

"Good morning my little Mouse." You pouted at the silly name he would always call you, only for him to attack your ribs with ticklish fingers. Loud laughter left your mouth as you writhe here and there until you were left panting. You jumped in surprise when he roughly bit down onto your neck, leaving a similar marking as the first one he had given you.

 

" _Mmm,_ you taste delicious as always, Sweetie." As the words left his lips he traced kisses across your jaw then planted a gentle-yet rough one on your lips. You could feel your heart skip a beat like it always did whenever he kissed you. His touch against your body was intoxicating. He prodded his nose against your cheek once the kiss was done. His soft hair brushed against your face and you could get a good whiff of it. It was like a mixture of candy and blood, a smell you had gotten used to and loved.

 

You allowed yourself to relax. His hand soon reached up and moved some of your hair from your face. He caressed his slender fingers down the side of your cheek, traced your bottom lip then wrapped itself around your throat. Drawing small circles on the side of it with his thumb.

 

Your lustful sigh caused him to giggle. You stuck out your neck to him again, wanting him to touch you the same way he did when the two of you were at the forest. His hand sensually found it's way to your throat again. Your hips arched towards him, soon lowering them when you felt him rub against you in a way that was so abnormal to you. You heard him release an inhuman sound near your ear and continued to hold the pressure on your throat, applying more and more till you could faintly feel your eyes roll to the back of your head.

 

A gasp for air left you and you soon became scared, once you took notice that he might  _really_ have the intent of strangling you to death.

 

"Pennnny..." You forcefully moaned out, struggling to talk due to the pressure.

 

"Shh, trust me." You could see him smiling as he brought his lips to your ears, still holding your throat in place with the same pressure.

 

"I want you to trust me-I  _need_ you to trust me. Can you do that for me, (Name)?"

 

Your eyes met his and that's when you sunk into him, "Yes." The pressure was soon lifted and you gasped for air but you didn't fret. You just laid there, letting him strangle you as proof of your loyalty. His grin grew larger as you allowed yourself to lay there in acceptance. But yet, you couldn't stop the urge of your body struggling and tensing up for air. It was becoming nearly impossible as your eyes batted when you began to feel woozy.

 

"Relax, my dear. It won't take long." He would whisper in your ear each time the pressure from his thumb was eased against your larynx.

 

You kept gasping for air, it was a reflex you couldn't control. Same for when your hands would shoot up to take hold of his when it became too much. You would soon let your hands limply slip down to your side, letting him have his way with you. He would cock his head to the side as he shot you a look of approval before letting go and watching life fill your body back up, over and over again.

 

You would lay there, still as a rock, "I trust you." You murmured.

 

He flung his head back, his crazed laughter filling the whole bedroom before he soon stopped and rested his body on yours. His lower body snuggled between your thighs as your legs wrapped around his waist. As messed up and perverse as it seemed, for Pennywise it didn't seem to ruffle his feathers one bit. It was as if he didn't believe that you trusted him at all, and took nothing but great pleasure from your lies and the torture that he inflicted upon you.

 

He continued to watch you with amazement as he continuously cut your air off. You assumed that he would wait until you were at your crisis, but he didn't. He just kept going and going and going. You could feel your head spinning, not only that but your gasps would turn into violent coughs for air. He could feel your heart beat double from the pulse of your neck. And boy, did he like that.

 

Even more excitement filled Pennywise, he was on the edge of a feeling he knew very well. A raw sensation that he would get from killing someone; it was ecstasy unlike anything else. He was also becoming aroused seeing your face twist in pain from accepting something so violent, and the way your body wiggled whenever your mouth gaped open for sweet, precious air. He was at a dead end, he couldn't choose whether to slaughter you or pleasure you. The urge had become too much. 

 

His grip tightened even more. He could feel you swallow thickly against his hand, his look was now one of wonder struck as he watched you. You began to panic as you groped at his hand, body shaking underneath him. Your controlled state was soon replaced by fear. Your eyes wide and filled with fright, your mouth dry and gaping open for air. You could feel yourself fading away as his laughter filled your ears once again. Tears brimmed in your eyes and then he finally let go once you thought you were truly done for. You were so close to blacking out that you were nearly gone beneath him. Your throat stung and your head was spinning from the lack of oxygen.

 

You could feel him move, yet you paid no attention. Only focused on getting your own wits back. It wasn't until you felt long digits playing at your inner thigh. You wanted to close your legs but his strong hands wouldn't let you.

 

 _He just tried to kill you...stop!_ You battled with your own mind choosing if you should let him take you or not. His clawed hand gripped at the hem of your shorts.

 

 _How do you think your mother would react if she saw you in such a state?! And you call yourself a Christian!_  What was happening was completely blasphemous. But God! Did it feel so good. Why did he always find ways to manipulate you? You could hear your shorts ripping, and that's when you snapped out of whatever trance you were in.

 

"Stop!" You screamed out, quickly closing your legs and shutting your eyes. You were expecting him to lash out on you or harm you but there was nothing. The sound of him whining and grumbling was all you heard and then he was gone. It was as if you had become distasteful to him. You were confused as to why he had left, but more so, you felt remorse for him. And promised that you would let him have his way with you next time.


	4. Beat Around The Bush

"Bill, (Name)'s been acting really weird lately. Beverly spoke to Bill with a saddened voice.

 

"Wu-wu-what do you mean?" Bill took his gaze off of the little children playing at the park and onto Beverly's frowning face. 

 

"Well, yesterday the both of us came to this same park. And once I brought up Richie...she just ran away. Like she was afraid to see him." There was a long silence, till Bill finally turned his gaze to the concrete ground.

 

"M-m-maybe her mother doesn't want her to hang around us anymore..." The thought of the number of friends that both Beverly and him had lost caused the poor boy to let out a shaky exhale.

 

"No, that doesn't make any sense. Her mother never seemed to have any problems with her hanging out with us. Why the sudden change now? If you ask me, I think that this is the doing of It." She said while twirling a daisy around her finger, "Whatever is happening to her, we need to help her-we're her friends. We all need to be brought back together, Bill. That's the meaning of friendship." Bill turned his head to look at the girl, she had tears running down her red, freckled face. The sight of this prompted Bill to wrap his arms around the weeping girl's body but Bill knew that what she had said, was very true.

 

                                                                                                                 ☪

 

You felt like an alien as you walked into your church. You felt filthy, unpure. The fact that you had dared walk into the church house after you had let the Devil touch you all over. You had even made a vow to let him do it again when you saw him. But did you really want to? More than the shock, the sinfulness, the forbidden act...there was you and him. And you enjoyed it. 

 

Perhaps there had always been this thing, this demon within you. Or behind your back, waiting for you to turn around. You shuddered at the thought and immediately went onto your knees, propelling your elbows onto your bed and prayed that Monday morning. The same morning where he had touched you. You prayed for forgiveness, only to turn around once you heard demonic whispers behind you. You knew that those whispers belonged to your demons, the demons that seemed to control your body and allowed him to touch you.

 

And now you quickly took a seat on one of the solid church pews next to your mother. You didn't dare tell her. How could you? She could not have endured it, or so you told yourself. Maybe you were just cherishing the confidentiality of it. Kind of like a hidden sin. Perhaps it was always there. Little acts of wickedness. Harmless of course, something any child would do. You told yourself it was nothing more than mischief, but you knew it was more. Of course you did. 

 

You tried to pray once you had reached home, but God didn't answer you. You dropped onto the floor sobbing at how filthy you were. Could God ever forgive you? Could God ever make amends for you? Instead of hearing God's voice you heard another. Smooth and silky like the finest of satin, "Soon child. The games we'll have."

 

You turned your head around as fast as possible then soon took notice that no one was behind you. All you did was lay on the cold floor and sob.

 

 

"Hey, (Name). How are you?" Beverly asked with a happy tone on the telephone. You were tempted to hang up but fought the feeling. "Hey, Bev. I'm fine."

 

"Nice, nice. I wanted to ask if you would like to go shopping with me. You know, at that small little area the both of us use to go to back in those days?" You hadn't gone shopping with Beverly in a long time. And you knew your mother had no desire to currently buy clothes for you. "Okay..." Was all that left your mouth.

 

"Alright, meet you at the library and we'll take the bus there. Oh, also make sure to carry some money."

 

"Sure." You soon hung up, deciding if it was a good idea to go shopping with her. It was just shopping after all. It wasn't like you were going to spend the night at her place or anything. Even though you knew it was a bad idea to go, you thought that it was better than getting touched by Pennywise. 

 

So it was settled.

 

                                                                                                                 ☪    

 

You and Beverly soon arrived at the small shopping area with numerous stores to indulge your selves in, with a restaurant, and a movie theater. You and Beverly would always come to this area before all the commotion had happened. Thinking of those days made you frown, for you had missed them.

 

"Oh, (Name). We should get this friendship charm!" Beverly chirped out as she held both charms up to you. They were a bright and shiny silver necklace. One said the word 'Best' and the other said 'Friends' with a beautiful swirl on the bottom of each word. You touched the charm and looked at it with gleaming eyes. "Friendship...charm?" You asked in bewilderment.

 "Yeah." She replied with a smile.

 

"Yeah, we should get it." Beverly spent her money on the charms, they were around $30 but she said that it was no biggie. You wore the piece that said 'Best' and Beverly wore 'Friends'. The necklaces fit the both of you quite well and when they were joined together they spelled out 'Best Friends'. 

 

The both of you spent the rest of the day trying and buying different clothes. But one thing made you feel uneasy. Scared to say the most. The feeling of being watched by someone or something, never seemed to leave you. Even when you were in the changing booths you felt eyes on you or when you were eating ice cream with Beverly you felt them on you.

 

 _Maybe it's just your mind playing tricks on you._ But that couldn't explain why you kept seeing a tall bulky figure in the corner of your eyes when you went to H&M.

 

 _Or maybe it was Pennywise, waiting for you to reach home and punish you in the worst way possible._ As you sat in the bus next to Beverly, you could feel just how sweaty your palms had begun to get. You wanted to tell Beverly. You really wanted to. But could you really? Could she endure it? 

 

"(Name), are you okay? You're sweating." You quickly wiped at your forehead with the back of your hand and chuckled nervously once you saw the sweat.

 

"Yeah..I'm fine. It's just kinda stuffy in here." Another lie! Why couldn't you stop with the lies?! 

 

 _Beverly, help me..._ You clutched onto her cream-colored floral shirt with a strong death grip, staring up at her with teary eyes. "B-B-Beverly..." You groaned out to your best friend. The ginger-haired girl stared at you with shock whilst your hands began to tremble but the grip on her shirt didn't falter. 

 

"It...It tortured me, Beverly. It-It persecuted me...It-" Before you could tell her the rest you soon found yourself furiously shaking your head and when you opened your closed eyes...It was like nothing had happened. You sat there, next to Beverly who calmly stared out of the window and you could faintly feel a tear run down one of your eyes.

 

"Ah...we're here." Beverly said as the both of you got up and stepped out of the bus. Once you saw your house your heart dropped.

 

"Um, Beverly can you....maybe spend the night at my place?" You asked her urgently.

 

"No can do, (Name). I should've told my dad earlier on." You chewed the insides of your cheek and slowly walked near the house.

 

 _Shit!_ Your mother opened the front door for you to enter and told Beverly goodbye. You quickly made your way upstairs, locked your bedroom door, and grabbed one of the pointy scissors you had on your counter. You knew that he was coming, you just didn't know when.

 

You held the scissors firmly to your side and proceeded to take out the clothes that you had bought with Beverly from the shopping bag. A cold wave overwhelmed your body then you felt a chilly draft come from behind you. You quickly turned around and ran towards your open window, immediately slamming it shut and shuddering from the creepiness.

 

You could soon hear loud banging and scratching coming from your closet. Like somebody was stuck inside of it and was trying to bang and claw their way out. You were tempted to run towards your bed and hide underneath your covers. But didn't. Instead, you slowly crept towards the loud closet and held the scissors up to your head, getting ready to strike. The banging and scratching soon stopped. Leaving you mindlessly standing in front of the closet still holding the scissors and keeping your alert high.

 

"So, how long are you going to stand there, enticing me with your scent?" Asked an annoyed voice behind you. You quickly swirled around to now aim your scissors at the sickening clown. He always knew just how scared you were. But to be honest, who couldn't tell? You were sweating, chest heaving up and down and your grip on the scissors was now wobbly once you had laid eyes upon the Devil.

 

"D-don't come in closer!" You warned him while trying to keep your handle on the scissors still. He soon elegantly slid off of your bed and was now looming over you.

 

"You're gonna have to aim a bit higher." He stated once he saw that the scissors were aimed at his pelvis. You quickly aimed it higher, this time at his chest. But you soon regretted it, because now you could clearly see his intimidating scowl.

 

"I told you already, Little Mouse. I don't want to see you hanging around those Losers'. Are you trying to make Pennywise jealous?" He asked while puffing up his pale cheeks, then his behavior instantly turned into a threating one. His smile disappeared and he seemed to be glaring into your soul with his piercing yellow eyes. You swung the scissors left to right and slowly moved backwards, completely petrified.

 

"Get away from me!" Tears slid down your wet face as you watched him slowly make his way towards you each time you took a step back. His terrorizing smile quickly grew back on his face once he had gotten the reaction he wanted out of you.

 

"Now, listen here (Name). I'm not going to hurt-"

 

"Get away!" You loudly interrupted him, still swinging the scissors at his chest but not managing to pierce him. "I'm not going to hurt you. I'm just going to smash your pretty  _little_ face in..." His voice grew deeper and his dark smile didn't falter as he took steps closer to you.

 

You shrieked once your back soon met the cold wall. And once it did his hand shot forward and grabbed hold of your bruised neck. The scissors dropped from your quivering hands and you could feel your feet slowly leaving the ground beneath you. You felt the need to pee on yourself when you were finally face to face with him.

 

"This is the last and final time I'll tell you this, I do not want to see you with those kids again! Or I swear I will rip every single one of their throats out-right in front of you, and whisper in their ears..."  His mouth came closer to your ear, "All the nothingness I've done to you." Your breath hitched and he let out a throaty laugh, soon letting go of your neck and abruptly sinking his claws into your arm.

 

You let out a shrill cry of pain as you felt the unbearable agony. You tried to pull away but then stopped once a thought hit you. _He might've ripped off your whole arm!_ He soon pulled away and licked at the bloodied spot that left numerous huge holes in your arms which slightly curved all the way to the back of your it. The sight of this made you feel sick in the gut.

 

"W-why'd you do that for?!" You groaned out looking at the scar and panting. 

 

"To show your little friends that you belong to me. Starting from today I don't want to see you trying to hid them." Your jaw hit the ground at what he said.

 

"What if my mother sees them?!" You panicked to which his toothed smile only grew bigger at.

 

"I'm sure she'll only think that you harmed yourself again." You let out an angered grumble then jumped when he ruffled the hair on your head, making it messy.

 

"Now, you be a good mouse or I'll have to give you an even worse punishment than before." He waited for you to say something then when he realized you weren't he took hold of your jaw.

 

"Okay, Pennywise." He mimicked your voice while opening and closing your mouth like some kind of puppet. He smiled at you once more before stalked back into the darkness leaving you bewildered, frightened and in shock. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is really short, I've been really busy lately. I'll try to upload at least once a week.


	5. Pushing Up Daisies

 

**Night- 9:00 PM**

 

You walked into your bedroom, previously from getting a scolding from your mother due to the markings on your body. Which of course, she thought were self-harm induced. Once you quietly closed your bedroom door you saw one of your razors on top of your drawer. It was as if the razor had talked to you saying, "Hello, remember me?" 

 

You picked it up then slowly walked into the bathroom, not bothering to close the door. Cutting was always seen as a way to cope with the pain of strong emotions or intense pressure to you. Most people would say that it was a bad way of coping with the pain but your mother for one didn't seem to care. She'd always take one look at them and simply go back to what she was doing. 

 

Now, you stood in front of the mirror twidling the razor between your fingers.  _Pain._ It was as if that was the only thing you could feel, other than sorrow. Maybe you should just finally end it all? End all the pain. So that you wouldn't have to wake up each morning, only to wish that you didn't. So you wouldn't have to feel worthless and replaceable all the time.

 

You brought the broad razor to your neck. The feeling that you knew very well met the skin of your throat; coldness. You pressed hard enough till your skin broke and that's when you swiftly jerked at the razor. Numbness was all you felt as you watched the red liquid pool down your shirt and splatter onto the floor beneath your feet. And when your eyes closed you were met with the inky darkness, you could see your friends. Their bright smiles faded and gone, all because of you.

 

Your eyes slowly opened and your gaze met the mirror, looking right at your reflection. Your  _ugly_ reflection. Then it went down to the small clean razor blade in your hand. You hated yourself for not actually slitting your throat but you knew deep down that you had to protect your friends.

 

Instead of cutting at your neck, you brought the razor to the spot you would always inflict pain upon. Your arms. The feeling of it slicing at your skin and watching as the redness began to show was pure bliss. As if you were getting high, not off of weed, no-but off of the  _pain._ A sigh left your mouth as you made another cut, then another one, and another one...

 

"You're doing it wrong. If you're trying to kill yourself cut vertically, you can't stitch that up..." Said a voice behind you. You looked into the mirror and saw the Devil, leaning on the door frame with a macabre smile on his bright red lips.

 

"What are you doing here?!" You asked with shock as you fully turned around to look at him while trying to cover the cuts with your hand.

 

"...If you're trying to kill yourself, you might also try locking the door." He laid his gloved hand upon the doorknob then slowly closed it without breaking eye contact with you. You seemed to have been staring at the closed door for hours until you finally turned back to the sink and washed up the razor along with your cuts. Drying them with a paper towel then walking out of the bathroom and into your bedroom. 

 

The clown was nowhere to be found. Was he mocking you? Did he really want you to kill yourself? Of course he did, he wants every member of the Losers' Club dead and you were one of them! He wanted you to _suffer._ He obviously didn't give a rat's ass if you ended your life. In fact, he hardly seemed to care about you. He only cared for the thrill of all the commotion that was happening. He had only a hunger for the experience of it, one that was devastating and tragic to all the other players in his little game.

 

Sleep was probably what you need right now, and then maybe you could hang out with your friends tomorrow? 

 

_No, stupid you can't! Pennywise said not to!_

 

That small voice in your head shouted at you as you turned off your bedroom light and snuggled underneath the warmth of your covers.

 

You hated him for not letting you be with them. How could you hang out with them anyway? He demanded that you wore shirts to expose the markings that he had inflicted upon you? He had said that you had something called the 'Shining'. What in the world was it suppose to be? Did the other have it to? He ate children did he not? Maybe the 'Shining' made them taste better and he was trying to savour your rare taste by drinking your blood? Kill all your friends then leave you last? Maybe your friends had the 'Shining' too and it was a threat to him? Perhaps that was why he wanted to dispose of them so quickly.

 

All these thoughts made you realize just how weak you truly were. That's probably why he picked you for himself because you were so  _weak_ and  _pathetic_. The easiest out of the bunch to catch. Oh, it was excruciating, the fact of how frail you were. Maybe you could prove him wrong, prove to him that you weren't as fickle as he thought you were. Perhaps even prove to yourself. Prove that little voice in your head that kept calling you different types of names. Or saying that Pennywise would kill you without a second thought. 

 

You had your friends at your side and that's what mattered. Sure, not all of them would be with you, but they would always be there for you. And that's what mattered. They were the thing that prevented you from bringing the razor to your neck, or blowing ten shots in your brain, or overdosing on pills. They were the pinnacle of all of this drama to you. You entered this battle as a slave to the clown, but there's no way in hell you're leaving it as one. 

 

                                                                                                                           ♣

 

**Morning**

 

You threw on a light sweater that slightly showed a bit of the markings on your neck but it was perfect, perfect for them to see what he had done to you. You told your mother goodbye then hopped onto your bicycle. You prayed to God and to Buddha that Beverly and Bill were already at the arcade which you told them to meet you at when you phoned them. Maybe being in a place crowded with people was a safer choice of environment.

 

"Guys-follow me!" You urgently said, not bothering to put a lock on your bicycle. Beverly and Bill seemed to notice the scars on your collarbone and your neck as you turned around to walk into the noisy arcade full of children and teenagers eating and playing different arcade games. Inside the arcade was dark yet bright from the light that emitted off of the colorful screens that tempted you to go up to and play a quick game of Pac-Man, yet you refrained from doing so, knowing that  _it_ could be anywhere, watching you and getting ready to strike.

 

The lot of you walked to an unoccupied area in the arcade which was a good distance from the buzzing kids. You quickly pulled up your sleeve and showed them the red holes on your arm which had slightly dark hues around each of them. Beverly pulled a hand up to her mouth as she let out a loud gasp while Bill cringed as he held up your arm to get a better look at them. 

 

"(Name)...w-w-who did this to you?" He asked with concern on his face. 

 

_Don't tell them. Don't tell them (Name), just say it was your mother or your GIANT pet turtle did it.! Say it-say it!_

 

No, you had already shown them it, now was your change. "It...It did this to me..." You gulped thickly as you saw dread in Beverly's eyes and anger in Bill's.

 

"Th-th-that fucking clown. It killed my brother...now it wants my friends." Bill angrily said then calmed down once Beverly gave his hand a small squeeze. Beverly took a look at your neck then her pupils met yours.

 

"(Name)...why didn't you tell us?" Her voice was filled with sorrow as you looked down onto the ground in shame. You should have told them from the start, you should've.

 

"It said it would have killed you guys. It said it would have tortured me then kill me if I told you guys..." You wiped your teary eyes and sniffled as Beverly gave you a tight hug along with Bill.

 

"I'm so so sorry guys. I was stupid. He played with my mind and screwed me up. I won't let it happen again." 

 

"It's okay (Name). It's okay. W-w-we're your friends, we'll always stay by your side." Bill spoke as he and Beverly pulled away from the hug. You smiled at them. Yet you still cried inside, knowing that you'll never have the guts to tell them that Pennywise had touched you. And that you  _liked_ it.

 

Later on, the group of you played different games on the arcades and ate burgers and corndogs and sweets. Yet you felt bad for knowing that Beverly and Bill were the ones paying for everything since you had forgotten your money at home. Around 12:00 AM you started to regret telling them that Pennywise was keeping you captive. With the horrible thoughts of what he would do to you once you reached home and the voice in your head steadily growing stronger, how could you not worry? All you could do was fake a smile yet you were frowning inside.

 

 _What's the matter? Didn't you want to be with your friends?! Now you are, don't you dare start crying you stupid bitch. Oh, and remember...you're so dead when you reach home!_ The stupid voice reminded you with a giggle.

 

"Shut up..." You whispered as you squeezed the joystick of the arcade game in between your sweaty palm and tightly shut your eyes to prevent the tears from spilling. You heard a familiar voice behind you and when you turned around you nearly gasped. It was Richie! The sight of him raging over a game that he was playing was enough you make the tears finally pour out as your feet automatically made their way towards him.

 

"Richie!" You cried out. He seemed stunned when he saw you and silently cursed once he realized that he had died in the game. "(Name)..." He weakly said, fully turning towards you. You pulled him into a tight hug not caring if your snot and tears got onto his navy blue shirt. You couldn't control the cries that left your mouth and your grip on him got tighter once he hesitantly wrapped his arms around you.

 

"God, it's just been so long since I've seen you." You pulled away from him and wiped your eyes only to bring your face down onto the palms of your wet hands as your snivels filled his ears. 

 

"Uh...Um-uh! You...you don't have to cry (Name)! I know it's been a long time, but don't cry over  _me_ _._ I know I'm awesome but, you don't have to cry!" He started to frantically shake his hands in front of you then immediately stopped once he took notice that your tears weren't stopping. He soon did the only thing that he could think of. He wrapped his arms around your quivering body again and accepted the fact that your tears and snot would be on his navy blue shirt. He couldn't help but notice the purple bruises on your neck. Once you stopped crying you pulled away from him and rubbed your eyes.

 

"Are you okay? Did something happen to you?" He pointed to the bruises to which you lightly clasped your hands over and avoided eye contact with him. He was your friend after all, it was best you told him.

 

"It gave me them." You boldly stated while removing your hands so he could see them. You also showed him the holes in your arm. His mouth was left agape as he watched them.

 

"(Name)...do the others know this?" He questioned, averting his gaze back to your face. You nodded your head at his question.

 

"Yeah. There're here right now." Richie grabbed your hand while looking you in the eyes, "Show me where they are!"

 

                                                                                                                      ♣

 

"G-guys...I'm too afraid to sleep at my home. Can I spend the night at one of your houses?" You asked while you slowly walked next to your bicycle, holding onto the handlebars. At this point, everyone knew about your secret. Even the previous members of the clique, Ben, Stanley, Eddie and Mike who now walked with you.

 

"W-w-well you could spend the night at my place," Bill said. "I'll give you one of my shirts to borrow if you need it."

 

"Wow, Bill's falling in love already." Eddie joked earning a mean glance from Beverly. You looked over at the boy who now had a cast around the arm that had gotten broken at the Neibolt House.

 

"It's for her safety!" Beverly angrily said to the laughing boy.

 

"I wish I could come..." Ben stated as he kicked a small pebble that was on the ground.

 

"Me too, but I got synagogue practice tomorrow." Stanley said.

 

"The hell is that?" Richie questioned the boy.

 

"A church for Jewish people, Richie." Stanley informed Richie, sounding quite annoyed. It was crazy, how all of you had reunited back so quickly. And now you felt much safer knowing that you had your friends to protect you. Yet you still felt awful for not telling them what had happened that day with you and Pennywise. You were also frightened, knowing that your mother would be pissed once she found out that you were missing. Then you would fumble for an explanation, get a beating and finally get thrown into the Bad Girls Closet. You'd rather risk all that instead of getting your life taken from a killer clown.

 

_You're not a true friend. You don't even have the guts to tell them. Maybe he'll just pay a little visit to Bill's house tonight, and snatch you away! Then, you'll have no friends._

 

The voice in your head laughed at you as you pressed your hand to your head, trying to desperately get the voice out. After some time of chit chatting with your friends, everyone soon parted different ways to go home. It was 6 PM after all, they had to get their rest. You only hoped for them to be safe.

 

Bill's house was a decent 2 story home and you were greeted by his friendly mother once you had made it to the front of the door. 

 

"Wow, this place is so pretty." You said while placing your shoes at the door.

 

"Th-th-thanks." Bill smiled at you as he walked into the kitchen. "Hey, d-d-do you want to watch a couple of movies until we get tired?" He took out a bag of microwave popcorn, something you haven't eaten in a long time.

 

"Of course! But first, can I take a quick shower?" You asked, feeling stupid because you didn't bring any pajamas.

 

"Sure, I'll l-l-let you borrow one of my mom's dresses and I'll bring a towel up fu-fu-for you. Bathroom's upstairs to the right." You made your way to the bathroom, soon the voice that you hated so much came to give you some more advice.

 

_Stupid slut. Spending the night at Bill's house. What are you going to do? Tell him to touch you like Pennywise did? Don't worry darling, I'm sure he'll be back, real soon._

 

You loudly gasped once you heard a knock at the closed door. You opened it and saw Bill covering his eyes and sticking out the towel and the pink nightgown to you. You giggled at what he was doing and took the towel from him, giving him a 'thanks' and finally closing the door.

 

You undressed and quickly took a 5-minute shower. The feeling of being watched grew stronger and stronger. You knew he was coming you knew it. You turned off the running shower then froze in your tracks. What if you pulled the shower curtain and he was behind it? Waiting to crush your neck and stick his claws into your belly? Tears brimmed in your eyes as you watched your shaky hand move towards the curtain, proceeding to pull it to the side. Only for your other hand to pull it back to your chest. 

 

"L-leave me alone..." You cried out then mustered up all the confidence you had and pulled the baby blue shower curtain to the right. Sighing in relief once you noticed that Pennywise wasn't there. 

 

After you dried your body and put on the nightgown you quickly ran downstairs and placed your clothes in a white plastic bag to carry back home tomorrow. Bill sat on the couch with the TV remote in his hand. 

 

"Yo-yo-you look nice." Bill smiled at you as you took a seat next to him, "Thanks." The rest of the night you and Bill watched different types of movies. Some comedy some drama some action but the one you dreaded to watch the most was horror. You forced yourself to watch Poltergeist even though Bill asked if you were okay with watching a horror. After the terrifying clown scene, Bill decided to take off the movie since you were gripping onto his shirt and trembling. 

 

After that, you two just stuck with watching Raider Of The Lost Ark, laughing from time to time when a character did something stupid. Bill eventually fell asleep and you soon found yourself getting tired as well. But you didn't want to go to sleep, the scary clown scene from the horror movie kept playing in your head over and over again. Yet your eyelids grew heavier and heavier. Bill was here to protect you nothing would go wrong. You simply snuggled up closer to him and let the sleepiness take over your body.

 

The sound of loud creaking arose you from your sleep. You looked around the now pitch black living room since the TV had somehow turned off, and Bill was still next to you, snoring peacefully. The loud creaking was heard again, but this time it was closer to you. You quickly shook Bill awake told him about the sound in a whisper. Bill quickly got up and checked inside of the kitchen and closets for the sound. 

 

"C-c-come on, (Name). Let's go to my bedroom." You quickly followed after Bill up the stairs. He opened his bedroom door and turned on the light. His scent filled your nostrils and you automatically felt at ease as he closed the door. You took a seat next to him on his soft blue bed, crossing your legs over the other. 

 

"You okay?" He asked with concern.

 

"Yeah, I'm fine I just heard a weird sound." You instinctively looked back at the closed door, afraid of what might be behind it. You worried about Bill's parents. Would It kill them? You refrained from asking him, the question might've scared him.

 

"If you hear anything e-e-else just tell me okay?" He yawned out.

 

"I think we should go to bed now." You said.

 

"Okay, I'll s-s-sleep on the floor." Bill proceeded to go onto the ground but you quickly placed your hand upon his which stopped him. You tried to turn your face away from him in embarrassment. But this only caused a funny feeling to grown within your stomach.

 

"No...I-I want you to sleep with me." He seemed shocked at first then slowly went back onto the bed. He turned off the small lamp on his dresser then snuggled underneath the covers with you.

 

"Good night, Bill." You turned your back to him and he did the same.

 

"Good night, (Name)."

 

                                                                                                                      ♣  

 

 _You can see him, can't you? He's been waiting for you all day, (Name). It was a good thing you wore your Sunday best._ You were surrounded by nothing but darkness, you could see him, the clown standing a few feet away from you. And what you were wearing, a beautiful white dress that flowed at the bottom, reminding you of a flower. As you looked back up at him, he seemed to have gotten closer to you, you didn't want him near you. But yet a part of you did. 

 

_Could this be your demons?_

 

You wanted to run but your foot wouldn't budge, your mind was screaming no but your body was saying yes and the little voice in your head couldn't sound any happier once Pennywise was now standing in front of you. You looked down at your feet, down at the white sparkly flats you wore, trembling. Don't touch me, don't touch me, please. You thought as you felt his hands softly stroke against your hair.

 

_Please touch me, please touch me, please._

 

His fingers, like graceful Caladenia elegans, danced down your neck and across the bruises he had given you. His hand swiftly pulled your chin up to look him dead in the eyes. You wanted to scream when you saw how his yellow eyes begun to prod out of his sockets and the way his face had moved upward as if something was pushing the flesh forward. You watched in fear as his mouth split open like a Demogorgon's revealing rows and rows of razor sharp teeth and long strings of saliva. And then the folds that use to be his face came closing down onto your face till you saw only darkness and the sounds of your loud cries were all you received. 

 

You grabbed at your chest, squeezing the nightgown with panic. Your heart was racing and you were completely sweaty. You looked around the room for Bill but he was nowhere to be found. Where is he?! Where could he be?! Did Pennywise get him?! All these thoughts ran through your head hurting it along the way. You soon calmed down and removed your hand from the death grip on the nightgown. Maybe he was just downstairs, eating breakfast and waiting for you to come.

 

You slowly walked into the bathroom then mentally face-palmed when you remembered you had no toothbrush. Maybe you would have to just brush your teeth with your finger? _Gross._  Your eyes met the toothbrush holder. And that's once you noticed there had been a toothbrush that said your name on it with Bill's handwriting. You reached for the toothbrush and felt a smile tug at your lips along with hotness rushing past your cheeks. Did you...have feelings for him? More than just a friend?

 

 

"Alright, goodbye Bill. Talk to you later." You waved to him and his mother, then finally got upon your bicycle and rode back home. They were so kind, although you didn't get to see his dad since he had been busy with work, you knew he had such caring parents. You couldn't shake the fact that you slept with him.  _Twice!_ Once on the couch and again on his bed! He was the first boy you had ever done that with! The thought of him brought butterflies to your stomach. You didn't care if you were to get a beating when you had gotten home, or get thrown into the Bad Girl's Closet. You'll endure it and smile, knowing that yesterday was probably one of the best days of your life. 

 

"(Name), where have you been?" Your mother asked while holding the broomstick in her hand. Her face was scrunched up in anger. 

 

"I was at a friend's house! Beverly's house! No need to get so angry, I was really tired and could hardly ride my bicycle so she decided I sleep at her place." You lied hoping that she wouldn't pressure you with any more questions.

 

She squinted at you before talking, "Hands out." You showed her the palms of your hand, then she gave you five painful hits with the wooden broomstick. She pushed you into the Bad Girls Closet, locking the door and turning the lights on so you could see your reflection. Your  _hideous_ reflection.

 

_You're so ugly and pathetic._

 

_Who would ever want you?_

 

_You should just die! Die!_

 

You spend the rest of the day curled up in the corner of the room with your head rested between your knees so you wouldn't look at your own reflection. Bill would never want you. How could you have thought such silly things at his house? He deserves someone better than you...like...like...

 

_Beverly._

 

Yes! Like Beverly! Your stomach loudly grumbled and you could smell food from the kitchen. Chicken soup? The smell was so intoxicating that you soon found yourself drooling.

 

The closet door was abruptly opened by your mother. You could see that she held a bowl of what you were guessing to be the chicken soup.

 

"Here you go." Instead of getting soup, you had been given cold, hard porridge from your mother. She soon closed the door, leaving you to stare at the bowl with tears in your eyes.

 

_Hate. You hate her don't you?_

 

Yes, you hated her. For everything she's done to you. For even giving birth to you! No, hate was too strong of a word. Dislike is more appropriate. You stared at the bowl and poked at the porridge, wishing it were hot and steamy instead of cold and brittle.

 

She had finally let you out of the closet 10:00 PM which wasn't like her. She never kept you in the closet for so long, most time up to three hours or four but this time she kept you in there morning to night? You couldn't help but notice the errie smile she held on her face as she watched you walk out of the closet. Once you were out of her view, you ran up the stairs and locked your bedroom door. That wasn't your mother that was It! And you had to escape! You frantically looked around the bedroom for anything to help you escape through the open window. Your bed sheets! You quickly grabbed them and tied them to together like how you would tie your shoes. Making sure to double tie them for extra strength. 

 

After tying two more covers to the bed sheets you had to tie it to something strong. The leg of the bed! Just as you begun to tie it you heard loud yet slow footsteps coming towards your bedroom.

 

"Here piggy piggy piggy. Don't worry, I'll walk _slowly_ so that you can have more time to escape!" Said the voice that belonged to the person or  _thing_ you wished had never existed. Before you could put one foot out of the window the door was slammed open, revealing Pennywise with a devilish smirk on his face.

 

"Nah ah ah..." He wagged a finger at you in a teasing way then charged at you, exposing those sharp teeth that made your hair stand on edge. You couldn't move on time, and he quickly grabbed you by your hair. He pushed you onto the ground and towered over your body. 

 

"I'm sorry, please just leave me-" Before you could finish your sentence he violently grabbed the collar of your shirt, then pulled you up to his face.

 

"You just don't listen do you?! Another problem after the other, isn't it?!"

 

You could feel your legs dangling and the look on his face didn't make you feel any better, "I'll make sure you never see them again. Never see anyone again for that matter..."

 

Then he opened up his mouth so wide till you were unable to see his face anymore. The rows of teeth in his gaping mouth made your heart beat so loudly that you knew he could hear it. You knew that this was the end, just like in your dreams. But instead of him chomping your head clean off, you saw a bright yellow light and heard the screams of unknown people. You felt as if you were floating until finally...you were dead?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Years! May this year bring joy and blessings to you!  
> I'll try to upload at least once or twice a week from now on. Also, I got a little inspired by AHS in this chapter.


	6. Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Your eyes batted as your hand slowly slid across the hard, cold rocky ground. Weren't you in your bedroom? You groaned as you fully opened your eyes, then quickly got up-a bit too quickly-only to fall back down to your knees. Dizziness hit you straight in the head like a concussion as you held onto your throbbing forehead. You didn't know where you were, and it seemed to be morning from the small bit of sunlight that stuck out from a gaping hole, not too far away from you, in the ceiling.

 

Flashbacks soon came running to you as you remembered what happened the night before. The Devil himself had paid you a visit, and you had...died? Maybe this was hell and you were simply a wandering soul now. What had mostly caught your attention was the humongous stack of garbage in the middle of the clearing. And at the pinnacle of it, were numerous floating children. Once you saw that, you had begun to doubt that you were dead. 

 

You slowly got up and tightly clutched at your chest. Perhaps this was Pennywise's liar and he was somewhere in the shadows getting ready to tear you apart? The thought of this made you're breathing uneven as you walked towards the small ray of sunlight emitting from the ceiling. Your surroundings were completely dark, and the only source of light had come from this tiny hole. 

 

You looked up at the ceiling and you could see through the small hole that it led to outside. This gave you a bit of hope, reassuring that you weren't dead nor in hell. A shaky breath left your mouth as the sinking feeling in your stomach reduced. You stuck your hand out to feel the bit of sunlight against your flesh. It felt warm and syrupy, like rich honey. It felt so good, that you had wished you could've stripped and sunbathed, if only there were more light. You soon removed your hand, it instantly felt cold again as you looked around the place for an exit.

 

Worry was displayed on your face as you soon found your self spinning in circles as you frantically looking for a way out,  _any_ way out. Then, like a shiny glimmer in the darkness, your eyes met a huge drain pipe. Your legs automatically made way towards it. You simply wanted to get out of the disturbing place. The sound of bells jingling filled your ears, and you knew who it had belonged to. Before you could even touch the stone of the pipe, Pennywise had leaped in front of you. In the blink of an eye, he grabbed a fistful of your collar, which earned loud whimpers from you when you felt your feet leave the ground. 

 

Pennywise had a pissed yet cocky look on his face as he held you. He stared at your sniveling form with contempt for the longest while before he soon begun to harass you with condemnations that sent shivers down your spin, and not in a good way. Then, with a swiftness that baffled you, he abruptly flung you onto the ground with rage. "Well...it was to be expected. You, running back to your friends for help. But honestly, did you really think that that would save you? You foolish girl!" You simply hung your head and stayed silent. You knew already that he would've gotten to you somehow, and if the others were to find you, you'd most likely be dead or worse...he'd tell them about what he had done to you on  _that day_ _,_ then kill them.

 

His scowl soon faltered and turned into a smirk, "Aww, I can tell you're still sore, aren't you? You haven't even the guts to tell your little  _friends!"_ He let out a wild laugh as he watched you sit there, and sulk. "It does make sense since you shamelessly enjoyed it." His head was thrown back as his obnoxious laughter filled your ears.

 

"S-shut up..." You murmured in hatred. Everything went silent, "Just...shut up and die!" A yelp left your mouth when the clown had flung his body upon yours. His hands on both sides of your head and his knees apart from yours, you felt scared and embarrassed at the same time.

 

He was extremely close to you, to the point that your noses touched. His big yellow eyes dilated and seemed to glow with a fiery passion before resting upon yours, then soon trailing down to your heaving chest. 

 

" _Bessst..."_ He said like a snake as he read from the silver necklace around your neck. His gloved hand slowly trailed up, past your breasts and locked a finger onto the half hearted symbol of the necklace. In a swift motion the necklace was pulled off your neck and thrown somewhere in the darkned place. Your eyes widened and you could hear the beating of your pounding heart in your tight chest once the necklace was finally out of your sight. The necklace that meant so much to both you and  _Beverly._

 

You were in a frenzy, not yourself. You soon found yourself spitting curses at him in the most ill-suited ways, your face was wet and felt hot and your mouth felt completey dry from screaming. Your hands hurt from banging on his hard chest and all he did was stare and smile at you patiently.

 

It went silent and the only thing you that filled your ears were the beating of your own broken heart and your pants for sweet air. And then that's when he finally spoke, "I know the perfect punishment for naughty girls like you..." Once those words had left his mouth, you instantly felt dread drop onto you like a heavyweight. His hand skimmed past your chest and rested onto your exposed belly. "I'll give you something worse than death." His smirk grew when he felt how fast your stomach went up and down, and before you let out a cry, you felt a sharp object piercing your tender flesh.

 

A loud hiss left your lips and when you looked down you saw that he now had pointy claws that threating to sink into your stomach. "No...please...don't." You cried out as you looked him in the eye. He didn't care much for your feelings, rather his main focus was on the reaction that he got out of you. And you gave it to him. Unwillingly, of course, it just came out of you.

 

The claws went deeper and deeper into your stomach. You didn't know how deep, but the pain was excruciating. "Oh,  _god!_ Please stop!" You begged for the zillionth time. 

 

"Say it..." He said while twisting his claws to the side, causing you to slightly curl up your body and let out a loud scream. It felt as if some one had stabbed a million times with a pait of scissors into your and had begun to drag them along your skin.

 

"I don't know wha-" Before you could finish your sentence, he twisted at the bloody mess yet again, enjoying the sounds of your echoing cries. The warm struggling from you was very much soothing to the tension of his hands. And he soon begun to grow excited. Your nails were unsmooth and hurt from constantly scratching at the fabric on his arms, and all he did was smile and smile.

 

"Stop it! Stop it-stop it-stop it!"

 

He abruptly pulled his claws out of you and smiled with his everlasting grin and his half-lidded eyes. "Okay..." He leaned in close to your face so you couldn't see what he was to do with his claws. "You tell me that you enjoyed it. Enjoyed what I had done to you that Monday morning! It's not that big of a conundrum." Giggles left his mouth once he saw the petrified expression on your face. 

 

After some time he had grown bored of your silence and suddenly jabbed his claws at the throbbing wound. You winced and bit your bottom lip to prevent any nose from emitting, "I...I hated it!" 

 

"I _love_ listening to lies when I know the truth." His claws gripped at the deep, bloody holes and pulled the skin upwards with the end of his claws. You shrieked in pain and buried your face into the ruffles around his neck so that he wouldn't hear you scream. So that he wouldn't get the satisfaction that he wanted. He pushed you back onto the ground and you stared up at him in disgust when you saw the long lines of drool that begun to hang out of his mouth.

 

"Say it, or I'll rip this measly flesh off and eat it!" His growl filled your ears and right when you thought he was about to finally rip the skin off, the words left your mouth.

 

"I liked it...I did!" Everything went silent, then loud pants filled your ears, and you could feel his saliva falling onto your closed eyelids. Once you had opened your eyes, you were horrified. His mouth was wide and gaping and you could see trillions of sharp teeth right in front of your face. His whole face was pulled all the way back, to the point that you couldn't even see his eyes.

 

Before you could let out a shrill scream, his hand shot forward and covered your opened mouth. Your body was shaking underneath him, like a single leaf on a windy day. His mouth soon closed in a slow, unnatural way, and you were able to see his naturally pale face again. His claws had gone away as well and you watched in horror the sight, how his hair had gone uneven from his sweating and the way his eyes had glowed so brightly. 

 

"Jeez, were you trying to drive me crazy just now, Little Mouse? I could've eaten you alive!" He soon removed his gloved hand from your mouth and let out a 'Pfft' once he saw the terrorized look on your face. "Oh,  _relax._ It's not like I  _really_  had the intentions of killing you," He slowly got up and you were faced with his back. He stared at the blood that covered his whole glove for a long time, "Or, maybe I did." He voiced quietly as you struggled to get up. 

 

You were unable to contain the weeps that left you while you stumbled to stand up. A hand clasping the bloody wound, and your feet soon gave way before you, causing you to clumsily stumbled into Pennywise's broad back. "Come, Little Mouse." He grabbed a fistful of your hair and dragged you behind him like a dog on a leash.

 

" _Ouuch!"_ You moaned out in pain as you quickly got to your feet and scratched at his gloved hand. "Hurry up." He called to you from inside of the dark drain pipe. You slowly walked in after him, completely forgetting about the bleeding wound, as you were greeted with complete darkness and a horrible smell from the inside of it.

 

The sound of mouses squeaking caused you to jump and hold onto something warm.  _His hand._ It was hard to believe that such a cruel creature was warm to the touch, or perhaps he was just making himself feel that way just to your liking? He quickly guided you through the darkness as you covered your nose with the rim of your shirt. You could hardly see anything, but he could. He would tell you to 'watch your step' or 'jump over this' from time to time as if he had night vision. It was cool, all the powers he had. You still wanted to know if he had laser vision though.

 

"We're here." He said while letting go of your hand which instantly felt cold without his touch. You had no idea where you were, but it had seemed to be a tunnel of some sort? With dirty water in the middle of it and a dry part just as the sidewalk. This place had reminded you of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles comic books that you use to read at Eddie's house. And, there, for anyone with eyes to see. The huge, gaping opening of the tunnel. Which led to your freedom! Outside! 

 

You knew where you were. The Barrens!

 

Was he retarded? You looked back at the smirking clown, then back at the opening. You wanted to run out, but you knew that he was way faster than you. Maybe he was testing you? 

 

You were abruptly pushed forward, falling straight into the disgusting water. As you looked back at Pennywise, clothes were flung towards you. You quickly caught them before they had touched the water. "Change, quickly." You blinked twice at him in confusion then finally stood up.

 

"Um...what about my cut?" You slightly raised up your shirt to show him the wound. He crossed his arms at you and had begun to tap his foot against the ground impatiently. He seemed to think of the wound as a belittle thing, "Why else do you think I brought you here? Do what every human does, and use the water to clean it."

 

"What?! But that water is dirty!" He rolled his eyes at your statement then shot you an angry scold, "Or would you rather I lick it clean for you?" You let out a loud sigh then walked to the dry part of the tunnel. Your eyes were locked on the opening of it, but you fought the urge to run out. If you were to run out now and he caught you, he'd probably remove your spine as a punishment. The thought of this sent an uncomfortable shiver up your spine.

 

You were about to lift your shirt over your head, then you stopped once you had remembered Pennywise was staring at you.

 

"D-don't look!" You yelled at him in a high pitched voice. He let out a scoff, "What? Do you really think I'd be attracted to  _your_ body? I've seen you naked before, remember?" You puffed up your cheeks at him in anger and embarrassment.

 

"Shut up! Just turn around." He angrily mumbled something before turning his back towards you. You quickly threw on the outfit, which surprisingly fit you well. It was a dark brown satin skirt that stopped just below the knee, with an oversized yellow shirt that read 'Volleyball' at the front of it. You didn't dare ask him where he had gotten it from. You took one more longing look at the tunnel opening then frowned as you turned your head back to Pennywise. Right when you were going to tell him to turn around a sharp pang of pain shot through your abdomen. The cut! You didn't want to use the dirty water. Maybe you could use the shirt that you previously wore as a bandage?

 

"Um...do you have any tape?" The clown turned around and showed you a toothy smile. "Nope!" He said while popping the 'P'. You frowned at his reply, knowing all too well what was to happen once the both of you had reached back to his den.

 

                                                                                                                 ψ

 

"Woah, what time is it?" You asked Pennywise who had seemed to be lost in thought. He had always seemed to be thinking about something. Maybe all he ever did was stand in one place and think about things? 

 

"Midnight." He simply said, without moving a muscle.

 

"They'll come and find me you know. They already know that you live here." You soon regretted saying that when he slowly turned around to look at you.

 

"Maybe. But don't get your hopes up. Remember, I'll just tell them all the things we've done together, then kill them." You looked back down at your lap, knowing that he was right like always. Either you stay as his slave or the others try looking for you and get killed in the process. It was as if you were living your nightmares. You just wanted to crawl into a ball and be forgotten by everyone.

 

Maybe you could try and escape? The tunnel did lead to outside.

 

_No, stupid. First of all, you have no way in hell of getting out of here. Second of all, he probably showed you that place because he wants you to try and escape, just to kill you in the end. And third of all, your bleeding idiot! He could smell you from a mile away. In other words, your better off being his bitch._

 

The little voice in your head arose to give you some more lovely, lovely advice. A sigh left you as you looked over at the dark drain pipe. It's true, you had no idea which direction he had went in order to find the tunnel, it was too dark. And he was always two steps ahead of you, he obviously wants you to attempt to escape. Then the voice came back again.

 

_Maybe, just maybe when he falls asleep you could try to escape? That is **if** he actually sleeps, (Name). You're so screwed if he doesn't._

 

"Shut the fuck up..." You whispered to yourself, quickly looking back at Pennywise to see if he had heard you. He did sleep, didn't he? On that same...day. He was sleeping, right? Right?!

 

_You fucking dunce. He was probably acting for all you know. Maybe he had the whole thing planned. You wake up, he acts like he's sleeping then, bam! He goes for the bait. And of course, you begin the idiot that you are, fell for it. If you're gonna try to escape, you gotta be smart about it._

 

It was so weird. Why was the voice helping you now, when all those times in the past it was only there to put you down? Or maybe it was your demons. Maybe you had more than one voice in your head? Maybe you were schizophrenic for all you knew!

 

"Hey. Do you like...sleep?" 

 

"Why do you want to know?" He sounded as if he knew why you had asked him that question. You begun to sweat but quickly thought of something to reply with, "No, don't get the wrong idea or anything! I had no idea that aliens existed so I wanna just know more!" You hoped that he wouldn't get angry that you called him an alien. Maybe he was a demon? Or the Devil himself? Of course, he  _was_ the Devil.

 

"That same day, I was sleeping with you, was I not?" You almost gagged at the thought but stayed silent. 

 

_He's obviously lying! You can literally hear it in his voice!_

 

What the hell were you supposed to do now? Sit there with your thumb up your ass and stare at him all day?!

 

_Ask if you could sleep with him again. He did seem to like that side of you. The sluty side._

 

No, you couldn't you'll die from embarrassment! Plus he'll tell the others! There was no way out of his situation.

 

_It's worth a try, right? Go in that corner and act like your going to sleep, then lie and say that your cold. After that ask if he could warm you up. Hopefully, he doesn't have any covers!_

 

You slowly got up and went into a small corner. One where you could lean your back against the cold, hard wall. After some time you finally decided to speak up.

 

"Pennywise, it's cold. Can you please warm me up?" You could feel your face flush onxe the question had left you.

 

He was silent for a very long time, perhaps for an hour, before he slightly moved so he was looking at you sideways. "And how do I know this isn't one of your little games? Hmm?" 

 

"It's not! It's just that I'm cold...really cold. And-and I really liked it that day. When we were in bed, hugging." You looked down at your lap and squeezed your eyes tightly in embarrassment. You soon felt a warm hand wrap around your waist and pull you towards an even warmer object.

 

You looked up at the clown, unable to read his expression from how dark it now was. It was as if he were a black insect camouflaged in the night. "Thank you." You said while laying your head on his chest. You expected to hear the pumping of a heart, instead, you heard nothing. Not as if it were surprising though. Most likely he had cobwebs and spiders inside of him.

 

You enjoyed the smell that he always carried. The smell of the circus. You've only been to one when you were around 4 or 5. You could still remember the silly picture of you crying while a man dressed as a clown held you. Now here you were, resting with a clown that you hated yet...

 

Slightly loved?


	7. Balls In Your Court

Your eyes fluttered, your aching joints lightly moved, and your dried tongue ran over your cracked lips. Your stomach grumbled loudly as you slowly got off of the hard, rocky ground that you hated to sleep on as your cold hand rubbed at your dry, crusty eyes. 

 

You let out a yawn while you looked around the area, soon remembering that you were to escape this damned place last night. But of course, you begin the pea-brained idiot that you were decided to hit the hay and wake up with a pounding headache and a horrible pain in your abdomen. Maybe you could try again tonight, like hell you were gonna get out of here in one piece.

 

It was afternoon, you could tell from the small bright light that shun from the crack in the ceiling. You soon found yourself heading towards it, it was the only harness of heat in this darkened place, other than Pennywise. Speaking of the horrible thing, where was he? You stopped your walking and looked around the place for the hellish creature.  _Nowhere._

 

You continued along and stuck your hand out, enjoying the warm, sticky feeling of the sunlight against your flesh. You missed the outside world. And now you scowled yourself for waking up those mornings and saying that you hated the sun. You'd want nothing more than to be outside, on your bicycle with your friends, feeling the wind blowing against your hair and not giving a damn if your ugly face showed, and laughing along side your still-wet-behind-the-ears friends. 

 

Just as you opened your eyes and left your little imaginary world, you could hear bells jingling behind you. You quickly turned around and saw the brute way back, practically blending in with the darkness from the shadows.

 

"Good morning, my Little Mouse." He voiced with that stupid smile on his stupid face that you wanted to punch so badly. You rolled your eyes at him and folded your arms. His yellow hypnotizing snake eyes brightly shun in the darkness, which you tried to avoided.

 

"I brought you a little gift." He threw a red apple and a water bottle at you which rolled to your feet, finally coming to a stop once they hit the front of your worn out sneakers. You quickly grabbed both of the objects and hungrily bit into the apple without any second thoughts. 

 

He scoffed and let out a chuckle as he watched you. "Poor Little Fool." You stopped your chewing and abruptly looked up at him. He had called you a name your mother would many times. Poor little fool was the name she'd call you, especially when you had done something that looked stupid or was stupid. 

 

Other than the name, he had slightly looked like your mother now. Which you had missed even though she would give you beatings with a belt or a pot spoon or her favorite, a broom stick. You had missed her and this had shown how much you could endure till you had finally broken down, and wished to go back to the person who cared for you yet hated.

 

_You remind me of your father_ she'd say as she watched you eat or do chores. _I hate it_  and whenever she said those words, you would hate yourself and perhaps even  _God_  for letting her go through that Hell. To be raped and have a baby that reminded her of the one she despised. It was  _ungodly_.

 

The clown blinked which brought you out of your reverie. Your gaze had been fixed on his big clown shoes that you loved. They were white and red and had black laces at the front along with a cute bright red puff ball at the front of it. You loved the way that they looked, but you didn't love them as much as you loved his blazing red hair which reminded you of a dancing fire or his plump red lips or his... _eyes._  You admired his eyes, but the admiration would turn to terror and leave you paralyzed. Hand shaking, mouth quivering and big wide eyes filled with fear. He found it cute, the way you looked when you were scared. 

 

Sometimes a bit too cute, to the point where he'd want to wring you by your cute little neck and take pleasure in hearing you scream out his name. But he'd never do it. He wanted to torture you over and over again, his insides would churn at the sounds you would make and God would he want nothing but to tear you apart with his teeth. But he wanted to savor you, for later. He'd keep telling himself that but he wanted to do things to you, and it was making him crazy.

 

He soon found himself binge eating to suppress the strong urge to tear through your sweet skin and feast off of your fears. Even after punishing you with a bite as big as a lions or with very visible bruises across your chest, he'd always find somebody, maybe 2 or 3, to frighten and kill after leaving you. He'd get high off of the smell of their aroma and the way they tasted. But nothing could top the qualities you carried.

 

Sometimes when he were alone and daydreaming, he'd think about you. And nearly felt scared, for he would think you would escape one day and never come back. But Lil ole Pennwise had many tricks up his sleeves. He probably wouldn't be with you all the time, but he had the eyes of a hawk and could see you miles away. A part of him wanted you to try and escape, through the drain pipe and out the opening of the big tunnel. Only for him to catch you, like how a fox would catch a mouse and have the last laugh, and smile up at you like The Man Who Laughs and feel that cool rush that would shoot through his body when you realized that you were doomed. Yes, he wanted that. He wanted it, and this was bad.

 

Sometimes when staring at him dead in the eye, you'd feel your knees get weak and when he would finally leave you in the total darkness by yourself, you could breathe again. And you would find yourself thinking about the way he stared at you, or held your hand, or complimented you on the way you smelled. Maybe this was just a crush and it'll go away? You pray that it would go away, but instead it continues to grow. 

 

It was odd, you felt different about the monster than how you felt about Bill. You loved Bill, of course you did. You loved little Stuttering Bill as much as you loved sipping on sweet chamomile tea while taking a warm bubble bath. But when it came to Pennywise, your little crush had seemed to grow into a craze. He'd make you feel unnerved and you kind of like it. He'd brush up against you, and you kind of like it. But at the end of the day, you knew your friends wouldn't approve of this little crush and you had to find a way to stop him from getting to you and messing with your head. 

 

You quickly finished off your apple which had slightly turned brown from the bite in it, and dropping the core to the ground when you were done. Your stomach grumbled yet you still made sure to say thank you to Pennywise as you drank the water. 

 

All this time, he watched you in fascination, like how a child would watch the lions and apes at a zoo for the very first time. 

 

Your stomach grumbled again, now you remember your mothers cooking and how it would taste, making your mouth water.  _Macaroni pie, apple cake with whipped cream at the top and porridge._  You were craving for your mother's delicious porridge, you loved the way she cooked it so much, that you could name all of them off of the tip of your tongue.  _Cornmeal, Gruel, Oatmeal, Grits, Sago..._

 

Mother...how you missed your mother and the stupid attitude she had, how you missed her slightly graying hair and her scowling face. You were homesick and now you were fighting the urge to break down into tears in front of the staring clown. 

 

"Aww, is my Poor Little Fool having a pity party? Hmm?" He said with a giggle. God, that  _name._  You wanted him to stop calling you that name which reminded you of your mother!

 

Eyes wet, mouth pulled back into a snarl, knees quaking beneath you. You mustered up all the rage and confidence that you could before you pulled your head up to look at the smiling clown. Your mouth opened wide, getting ready to shout curses at him, but then it closed when his icy stare paralyzed you like it always would, making you feel meek and small.

 

You were unable to snap out of his hypnotizing snake eyes which put you in a deep trance. Then with a quick bite of your lower lip and a tug at your skirt, you were able to quickly turn your back towards him before you were fully engulfed in the spellbinding stare. 

 

You could see from the little peephole in the ceiling that it was now nighttime. Perfect, now you can finally escape from this hellhole once and for all! You heard a giggle and when you turned around, he was gone. Perhaps he knew about your plan and was ten steps ahead of you?

 

Even though you knew you were most likely going to die tonight, you didn't make this thought kill the strong adamant that you carried at your side. If you were to really escape tonight, what would you tell your friends? Would they hate you if you told them about the tension between you and Pennywise? Or would they still care about you?  _You bet your fur we will_ you could hear Eddie exclaim in the back of your mind, and this brought a small smile to your lips. Perhaps this was the last smile to ever meet your face.

 

 

                                      /

 

You decided to be smart. Waiting at least 3 or 4 hours before taking off. You sat in total darkness, picking at the pimples on your temples from time to time due to anxiety. 

 

Even though the creature was smart and crafty and sly, you were small and quick, making this an advantage of escaping if he were to get a hold of you. You felt sick in the stomach, the need to vomit and cry was strong but you held it back. You needed to be strong and you needed to be silent.

 

After sometime you decided to finally go. You decided to finally go all out on a limb. Now standing in front of the dark, spooky drain pipe, you clenched your fists tightly at your sides. There was no way in Hell that you were backing down now, no siree Bob, you had to prove to the Devil that you weren't as weak as he thought you were. You weren't a little pet to be tampered and played with. You were human and you'd prove him that, yes siree Bob. Even though your heart ached a bit from the fact that you were against him, you pushed the stupid butterflies in your stomach to the side and replaced them with something strict and unquestionably sturdy in the depths of your stomach.

 

You quickly pulled the hem of your shirt over your nose as a shield against the horrible smell. You had no idea in hell what the smell was, for all you knew it was emitting from the decaying bodies that were placed in the big pipe. The fact that Pennywise had eaten people and placed his lips among yours now made you want to vomit in disgust. You quickly ran through the dark drain pipe, water sloshing all over the place from your fast movement, while you squinted your eyes so that you could see a bit better in the bitter darkness. 

 

As you quickly moved your left leg, the front of your sneakers had connected with something on the ground which caused you to fall over and land face first into the mucky water. Your head flung back quickly and a loud moan of pain ripped through your lips when you felt excruciating pain in your abdomen. You had accidently hurt the wound on your belly and you quickly slapped your hand over your mouth once you had realized just how loud you were. You checked behind you to make sure Pennywise wasn't there, and soon let out a shaky sigh as you swiftly got back up and ran through the darkness yet again.

 

A faint light met your eyes and you knew you were close to the opening of the tunnel. A gasp left your mouth when you thought that you could see it, see the stars in the night sky that slightly shun down on this damned place. And as you moved to it, you fell face first onto the ground again.

 

"Guess what I just caught!" You heard a voice exclaim behind you, and as your head swung back to see who or what had grabbed you, the piercing yellow eyes that bore holes into yours left you shivering on the ground. 

 

Pennywise laid on the ground, his hair wet and dark and it almost seemed as if he were merging with the dirty water and dirt. His hand tightly gripped at your calf and a loud groan left your mouth.

 

"I just caught  _you."_ His bottom lip and upper lip pulled all the way back and revealed the sharp rows of teeth that a shark would possess, abruptly sinking them down onto your calf. A loud shrill scream left your mouth and when your teary eyes looked back at his, you saw the scary passion that he held in them. He was going to eat you alive! And you could tell by the way his claws pricked at your skin, breaking it and the way his teeth hooked around your calf. Just when he got ready to pull his head back and devour the sweet creamy meat that he would daydream about, your fear was suddenly replaced with anger.

 

"FUCK OFF!" Ripped through your mouth, and even though his claws sunk deeply into the flesh of your left leg, you strongly pulled back and kicked him square in the face! As he was kicked backwards you hissed in pain at the way his teeth roughly grazed your calf. You stumbled upwards and ran and ran and ran. Through the tunnel opening and past the water and rocks, and all the homes and stars that shun so brightly that damned night. Leaving Pennywise panting and hungry and gripping his wet bloodied nose as he watched you run away. Smiling like The Man Who Laughs                  


	8. Away With The Fairies

**Monday** - **4:30 AM**

It is true, that those that we meet can change us, sometimes so deeply that we are not even the same person afterwards! So it was no surprise that when you had ran back home and your mother pulled you into her arms, and wept and wept, and finally asked you  _where have you been-who done this to you_ that the only thing that left your mouth was a lie. Everything after that lie would simply be lies upon lies upon lies.  _Someone attacked me and I was lost_ you spoke as she stared at you with her wet eyes. 

 

She slowly helped you up the stairs and into the bathroom, where she then removed your dirty, tattered clothes and threw them into the small garbage bin. She prepared a warm bath for you, she used a wash cloth to washed you up then helped to clean the deep wounds on your arm, stomach and calf with a small amount of hydrogen peroxide. Your wounds had begun to heal and were now a slight pinkish color.

 

"You need stitches." She said as she helped you onto your bed while eyeing your arm. She left your bedroom and went to grab all the items that were necessary to stitch you back up from her small first aid kit, and returned shortly to your bedroom.

 

"Okay, let's start with your arm first." Your mother said while holding a little metal tray which held all the items. A sewing needle, cotton, a bandage and some small cleaning tools. Your mother was very good at sewing, so it didn't seem that you needed to go to the hospital. Hopefully,this wasn't too much of a hassle for the woman. She first put the tools to soak in a sterilizing solution for 20 minutes. While this took place, you couldn't help but notice the worried look splayed on her face.

 

"Mama, i'm fine I promise." You assured her which didn't seem to do any help. "(Name), who attacked you and how did you get lost?" She asked sternly, as if she knew you were lying the first time you had answered her question. 

 

"Mother, I was hanging out with my friends by The Barrens. Then they had to go home. I decided to go home at 5 and then-" Before you could finish you sentence, your head swung to the side and a hot sizzling pain crawled up your cheek. Your hand quickly shot up to cup your blazing flesh as tears begun to form in your eyes. Your mother, She was  _infuriated_ _._ A vein had begun to pop out of her forehead, her teeth were grit and pulled back into a snarl and her eyebrows were scrunched together.

 

"Jesus H. Christ, (Name)! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSE TO BE THERE!" She screamed which caused you to recoil and pull your arms up to shield your face, thinking that she were to lash out on you. Her breathing was hoarse and when she swallowed thickly she seemed to have calmed down. She soon took a seat on the ground and looked down at her lap in deep thought.

 

"M-mother, I'm sorry I'll never go back there again. I promise, and lightning strike me if I lie!" She let out a sigh then slowly looked back up at you with sharp eyes, " _Who_ attacked you. Was it someone you've seen in Derry before?" 

 

"It was a man...I've never seen before. He was old and seemed to be a hobo with a knife." You quickly lied to her while wiping away your tears.

 

"Those who cleanse themselves from the latter will be instruments for special purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepare to do any work..." She quietly prayed with clasped hands.

 

"Mother! He didn't rape me or anything!" You yelled out to the woman which instantly stopped her from her prayer. "You indecent girl." She spoke while shaking her head at you. She was as stubborn as a mule!

 

After the tools were done sterilizing in the hydrogen peroxide she proceeded to stitch up the wounds which slightly hurt but you braced through it. When the stitching were finally done, she wrapped your arm, calf and stomach in a big white gauze which felt uncomfortable, but your mother stated that  _you deserved it._  She put bandages on all the bruises scattered along the flesh of your collar bone and neck. You had made sure to thank her after the care was done.

 

You ended up sleeping with your mother since the slightest of sounds in your bedroom had frightened you. You carried this feeling in your stomach, one that always got to you when you thought of the clown,  _dread._

 

                                                                                                                           ♫

 

The bright sun now shun over the tall trees, and you were left home alone. Your mother had gone to work-like she always would on weekdays-and came back home in the afternoon. You sat alone on the couch watching TV and tried to not think too much about Pennywise.

 

_Maybe he could smell you better due to your fear?_

 

_Maybe he's setting up a plan to get you?_

 

_Maybe you should start watching your step more carefully. Maybe you should start protecting your neck, kid._

 

All these thoughts ran through your head, as if your demons were talking to you and trying to give you advice. But there was always this one demon within you. And when it spoke, it was as if the other's had shriveled and gone away.  _Just kill yourself. Won't that be easier than having to wake every morning and wish you didn't? It's not as if your death would be a calamity._ It would say. Perhaps this was the demon you had listened to the most. Perhaps this demon was right. But an image of your friends would always pop up in your head and the demon would quickly disappear like gas.

 

 _Your friends._ Yes, you were in need of your friends at this very moment. Bored and helpless and vulnerable you felt. They made you feel strong again. And you had promised yourself that day when you were locked up in Pennywise's den, that you would tell them your secret, the secret that he had planned to use against you. You knew that if you were quick to tell them first, then maybe it wouldn't cause that much of an impact on your relationship with them.  _But it sure would make them see you differently._

 

You quickly picked up the corded phone on the wall and dialed your bosom friend's phone number. Beverly was always quick to answer and you would rarely encounter her father at times. His voice was dry and raspy, and at times when you were hanging out with Beverly outside of her apartment, you'd catch him staring at the both of you from the windows of it.

 

"Hello?" Asked the voice that caused your heart to skip a beat.

 

"Bev..." You exhaled out with a smile. You could tell that Beverly was completely surprised to hear your voice from the way she had replied to you, "(Name)! Thank God you're okay! Everyone missed you and we were all looking for you!" 

 

"Bev, It had gotten me-but i'm fine now! I'm  _fine_." You hurriedly said, not wanting her to worry too much about you. "I escaped with a few bruises, but they're healing!" 

 

"Ah, that's good to hear! I'm just glad you're okay..." 

 

"Say, Bev. Do you want to meet up with me at the park later on? I can tell you about everything that had happened." You had truly wanted to leave the small house and be with your friends again. 

 

"Of course, at 5:00 PM?"

 

"Sure. Oh and can you tell the other's to come as well." 

 

"You can count on it." You soon hung up the phone. A small smile was placed on your lips. You truly were happy to have you friends at your side again.

 

                                                                                                                              ♫

 

  **Afternoon**

 

You were attacked with hugs from everybody once you had reached the small park. "Okay-okay guys that enough-ouch!" You cried out when you were jarred on your stomach. 

 

"Sorry," Eddie said with an lopsided smile."We just missed you  _so_ much!" You giggled at what the boy had said and soon took a seat on the brown bench next to Mike. "Y-y-yeah, it's nice to have you b-b-back, (Name)." Bill spoke out.

 

"So, exactly what had happened? Did It try to kill you or something?" Richie asked while he started at you intensively, as if he were waiting to hear a long story.

 

"Yeah, but that was when I was about to escape. It kidnapped me and kept me in this weird dark place, I'm pretty sure it was it's lair. Bill, remember that day when all of us went to the Neibolt House and we saw It going down that old, broken down well?" Bill nodded his head to your question, "Well, I think that was where It took me. And it somehow leads to that creepy tunnel in The Barrens..." Everyone was now staring intensively at you, waiting for you to continue talking.

 

You gulped thickly then continued, "I hardly had any food to eat and It gave me this wound on my stomach." You slightly lifted the shirt to show them the wound that covered by the white gauze. 

 

"As well as the one on my calf. I got it on the day I escaped from It. I fell and It sunk it's teeth and claws into me. Thank god I escaped through the tunnel, or I would've been torn to pieces." A sigh left you as you finished the explanation.

 

"That's...horrible..." Stanley said with a saddened look on his face. "Yeah, I know. It's just good that I escaped."

 

"Good? More like _wonderful!_ You mean so much to us!" Richie exclaimed. You smiled at what he had said and soon looked down at your hands. You were anxiously fiddling with your fingers. You wanted to tell them about the secret so badly, but you couldn't find the correct words to say.

 

"Guys!" You exclaimed out loud, grabbing their attentions. You braced yourself to say it even though you knew it would affect your relationship with them. "Ah, um...It also took the necklace that Beverly had-had bought me..." You want to slap yourself for saying that. It was as if your mind was acting against your will.

 

Beverly took a look at your neck and noticed that the necklace really was missing. "I-I don't know why but...but I think it was jealous..." You said almost in a whisper once you saw how angry Beverly had looked.

 

"Guys, we can't keep letting this  _thing_ destroy us and everyone we love! Who knows, it might come back again to take (Name). Or even one of us! We have to stop it!" Ben exclaimed. You recoiled as images of your friends getting attacked by Pennywise filled your head.

 

"What?!" You quickly asked with wide frightened eyes.

 

"(Name), B-B-Richie's right, It's just gonna kill more and more people." You abruptly stood up and nearly fell onto the sidewalk, "We can't!" Left your mouth. You were now panting and getting confused stares from your friends.

 

"(Name), we've been to the Neibolt House before. We can do it again." Your head snapped towards Mike as he spoke.

 

"W-w-we can go there on Wednesday morning. B-b-but we have to be ready. Guys, we can do this. As a team." The group nodded their heads to what Bill had said. Even though you knew they were all tense and worried, they still would risk their lives for you-for everyone' safety. You nearly broke down into tears. The fact that they had loved each other so much made your stomach hurt since they were surely to die if they took on Pennywise.

 

Laughter from your friends filled your ears as the group of you walked around the park. The way the afternoon sun beamed over the huge bushes and tress made a small smile form on your lips. But it quickly went away when the demons came to give you some advice.

 

_You're gonna have to tell them (Name)_

 

_You can't hide it forever_

 

_Just tell them! It can't be that bad, right?_

 

"Bill..." 

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Can I...talk to you for a bit?"

 

"S-s-sure." You slowed down and so did Bill until the rest of your friends ran ahead of the both of you and were out of earshot. You took a deep breath then licked your quivering lips

 

"When..." You weren't too sure how to start the sentence and you couldn't stop your hands from shaking, but continued on either way, even if your brain wasn't working properly.

 

"...One day...quite some time ago a-actually...It came to me...and I was just asking it some questions, until I fell asleep." Bill was now staring at you intensively, "And...and when I woke up the next morning he-it was there on the...bed with me!" Your hands shot upwards to cover your face. You begun to cry and you felt Bill's gentle touch on your arms.

 

"(Name) I-i-it's alright. You don't have to cry, I-I-I'm here for you." The both of you had stopped walking and he was now gently rubbing your back, like how your mother would when you were sad at times.

 

When your weeping had eased down you continued walking, "When I woke up...It was like someone or something had cast a spell on me. All of a sudden he was intoxicating to me and I-I had wanted to be closer to him. Then we-he-I...kissed him..." You whispered the last part and hung your head low. You didn't want to see Bill's reaction. "He eventually left..." You finally said.

 

"I-I-It's okay (Name). It had p-p-probably done something to you to make you behave that way. That thing is v-v-very unpredictable at t-t-times. So it's okay if you fell for it's trap. E-e-everyone did. Even Georgie." Bill said to you as he wrapped you in his arms. You were surprised to hear him bring up his deceased brother who had died at the hands of the Devil himself.

 

You slowly looked up at Bill.  _Little stuttering Bill_ _._ And planted a kiss on his lips. Your hands glided past the sides of his face and slightly tangled themselves into his soft brown hair. His mouth was soft and sweet, and you could feel him pull you closer. Deepening the kiss. It was as if time had paused, the sun had stopped shining, the earth had stopped it's rotation, and everything was focused on the two of you. You could finally breathe again, and you had pulled away and smiled up at him. He was smiling back at you, his beautiful white teeth showing and his hair slightly swayed as the breeze glided across your skins.

 

"Hurry up, love birds!" Eddie exclaimed, a few feet away from the both of you. You wondered if he had seen the both of you kiss, but you didn't care, because you were glad to get that pain off of your chest. You still had to tell the other's though, but you didn't worry, because Bill was at your side.

 

                                                                                                                                       ♫

 

"Hi mother." You said from the couch, your eyes not leaving the television screen as you ate your cereal.

 

"Hello (Name)." She closed the front door then placed her handbag onto the table. "Where did you go today?" She asked sternly. Your attention left the TV and was now on her.

 

"Oh, I just went to the park with my friends." She had a look of disbelief on her face as she placed her arm onto her hip.

 

"You better not have been at The Barrens, girlie. The neighbors told me that they saw you leave the house on your bicycle.  _Don't_ let me take it away from you!" She screamed out which caused you to recoil. 

 

"I really was at the park-"

 

"I've gotten a therapist for you." She cut you off. You stared at her with surprise. 

 

"A what?!"

 

"A therapist!" It was unlike her to find help for you, maybe it was due to her believing that you were always lying to her.

 

"I met him at my job. His name is Robert Gray and he said he would be glad to come talk to you. Tomorrow, he said he'll come tomorrow to talk to you." You sighed at what the woman had said and continued to watch Nosferatu on the TV. The vampire reminded you very much of Pennywise when you watched him creep up on the main character and attack him with big clawed hands.

 

"Fine..." You huffed out, then your mother finally picked up her handbag and went up the stairs.

 

 

That night you went to sleep alone in your bedroom. You had shut the window and locked your bedroom door, and hid underneath the covers. You prayed to Buddha and God that Pennywise wasn't hiding in your closet and getting ready to rip you open and snack on your organs. 

 

You eventually managed to fall asleep, occasionally waking up with a cold sweat when something frighting happened in your dreams. When you walked into the bathroom, that's when you saw just how horrible you had looked. You had bags underneath your eyes, your hair grew thin, and your nails were long and dirty. You felt disgusted, the fact that you had kissed Bill while looking like this. You  _hated_ yourself.

 

**Tuesday- Unlucky Afternoon**

 

All morning you had stayed home, watching TV and trying to finish that one book you swore to read. 

 

You didn't think too highly of the therapist. Nor did you think he would help you. There's no way in hell someone would believe you if you had told them a shape-shifting clown monster alien demon thing was after you and your friends.

 

In the middle of reading The House on Mango Street, you heard the front door knob turn then the door opened. You swung your head to the side and saw your mother coming into the house with an unfamiliar man. He seemed to be around 27 years old and was about 7 feet tall. He had a handsome face with bright blue eyes and pink plump lips that'd make any woman die if she were to kiss them. He wore simple denim jeans with a button up light blue shirt. 

 

As he walked into the house you saw that he held a big brown bag at his side. 

 

"(Name), this is Mr. Gray. Say hello." Your mother said as the man smiled at you.

 

"Hello, Mr.Gray." You spoke out as you sat up on the couch.

 

"Hello, (Name)." His voice sent shivers down your spine and the way his eyes danced so gently made a blush creep up on your cheeks.

 

"Ms.(Surname), would you be as kind as to give me and (Name) some privacy? Just for an hour?" 

 

"Of course." Your mother quickly went upstairs, leaving you and the stranger alone.

 

He took a seat next to you on the couch and reached for something in his brown bag. "How are you, (Name)?"

 

"I'm fine." You smiled up at him.

 

"So I've heard you've been missing for a couple of days?" 

 

"Ah, yes! For 3 days I believe. I was attacked!" You said, constantly having to snap yourself out of daydreaming, due to how handsome he was.

 

He soon pulled out a clipboard and pushed his thumb against the end of the pen he held with a  _click._ "Okay. Can you tell me, exactly how did you get attacked and then went missing for the 3 days?" He quickly wrote something on his clipboard that you couldn't see, then looked back up at you. His eyes like the bright blue sky and his lips like a peach.

 

"...Just as I started walking, the hobo came out of no where and tackled me. I struggled to get away and when I did, I ran far into the forest and got lost." He quickly wrote on the clipboard again, double checking and subtly touching his lips with the pen. You found yourself constantly licking your own when you looked at his.

 

"The hobo gave you those wounds too?" He asked while looking at your wrapped arm and the bandages on your neck. 

 

"Yeah. I'm never going back to the barrens.  _Ever._ _"_ A snicker left his lips and when you looked back up at him, bewildered, his face was as straight as a board.

 

"Um-"

 

"Why were you at the barrens?"

 

"I was hanging out with my friends. They all had to go home because it was getting pretty late. I stayed at the barrens a while longer before I decided to go home, and that's when the hobo attacked me with a knife. He probably wanted money..."

 

He ran a hand thought his fair, soft hair, and looked back up at you with appealing, yet, lazy eyes. "Okay. Now I want you to answer some of these questions about your self for me. How have you been feeling this week?"

 

"Horrible. But I felt much better when I got to see my friends yesterday." He wrote on the board.

 

"How do your friends make you feel?" 

 

"They make me feel happy. They always lighten my mood."

 

"Do you have a boyfriend?" It went silent, and his blank gaze didn't leave the clipboard. You swallowed thickly, you didn't know if Bill was really your boyfriend as yet.

 

"Um..." You looked down at your fingers, fiddling with them, then a small chuckle left your lips, "No." You saw him vaguely smile for a second, then continued his writing.

 

"How old are you?"

 

"14..."

 

"Are you seeing your period?" It went silent again. You haven't seen your period as yet. And you didn't know if the age 14 was too late to get it. You most definitely didn't want to see a gynecologist.

 

A sigh left your mouth and you finally answered, "No..."

 

"Have you ever been in any sexual activities?" You thought of Pennywise for a second then quickly shook your head. "No-no! Most definitely... _no!"_ He had this look on his face, as if he were watching a hilarious soap opera.

 

"What are your grades like in school?"

 

"Fine, I guess." 

 

"How often do you meet up with friends?"

 

"Almost everyday."

 

"Do you have a clear sense of where you want to take things in life?"

 

"Um...no..."

 

"What is your main concern today?" You weren't too sure as to how to answer this question. You didn't want to say  _defeat a killer clown so he can leave me and my friends the fuck alone._

 

"Um...my main concern..." You didn't know what lie to say, it was as if your brain wasn't functioning properly. He now looked up at you with a blank face, waiting for an answer as you stumbled with your words.

 

"...Right now is not being..." You were going to say  _not being able to save my friends._ But you had thought he were to say something back like  _from what?_

 

"...I can't talk about that..." You felt as if a thousand eyes were on you, staring into your soul, waiting for you to spill right in front of him.

 

"Um...we aren't...going...to talk about it." You looked down at your fiddling fingers so that you wouldn't have to look into his eyes.

 

"Can you tell me, what's going on in your life currently?" He asked, snapping you out of your profound thought.

 

"I'm...fine..." You whispered.

 

"I'm sorry?"

 

"Wait, what was the question?" You fixed your position on the couch while straightening your back.

 

"You know the question." His eyes never leaving you.

 

"What question?"

 

"You know the question that I asked you." Was all he said.

 

It felt difficult to breath, it felt as if your throat was closing on itself. "What was the question though?" You asked with a hoarse voice. You quickly cleared your throat and looked back at the man.

 

"I asked you a question."

 

"Yeah."

 

"What was the question?"

 

"To tell you, what's happening...t-to find...I'm fine."

 

"Can you tell me, what's going on in your life currently?"

 

"T-to find...I'm fine."

 

"How are you feeling right now?"

 

"What? I-I...th-th-th-"

 

"Can you tell me, when was the most traumatic moment of your life?"

 

"...What...hurts?" You asked in confusion as your palms began to grow sweaty.

 

"Yes."

 

"...I-I can't talk about it...hurts."

 

"Was it something done to you?" He asked, not blinking once, his eyes never left you once. You simply nodded your head to his question.

 

"Did this thing happen to you when you were young or currently?" You nodded your head again. He wrote something down on the board then looked back up at you.

 

"Can you tell me what happened?"

 

"...I...I c-can't...he-it...it'll be...angry..."

 

"Who's it?"

 

"...Cu-Cu-Clown...." Was all that left your mouth, and that's when he placed his board into the big brown bag and went upstairs to talk to your mother. Leaving you to sit there all alone, staring at completely nothing, your hands sweaty and fiddling and your eyes were wet and teary.

 

"Yes, I'll be seeing her tomorrow, if that's okay with you?" You heard Mr.Gray say as he walked down stairs with your mother at his side. "Of course." She said while opening the door for him to leave.

 

"Goodbye. Goodbye (Name)." He said, and when he didn't get a reply he soon left.

 

"Hurry up and clean this mess, (Name)." Your mother said once the front door was closed. She soon went up the stairs and back into her bedroom, and all you did was sit in complete silence, away with the fairies.


	9. Apple Of My Eye

"Stupid bitch!" Greta Bowie yelled as she eyed you with revulsion. And with a subtle nod, her friends giggled while they shoved you into the girls bathroom.

 

"Leave me alone!" You cried out, only to get rowdy fits of laughter from all the girls. 

 

"Sorry, I just couldn't, since your slutty little friend-Beverly isn't here to protect you." Beverly had been absent that day. It had only been a couple of weeks since school had started and you had already started to get bullied.

 

"Wu-what?! What have I ever-"

 

"Don't get it twisted, bitch. Just because I don't like Beverly-" She took one step closer to you, "-Doesn't mean I like YOU!" Her hand connected with your face, as fast as a lighting bolt. And a stinging, painful feeling, just like that of a belt being lashed against your body from your mother, ran across your cheek.

 

Your body was whirled to the side from the force, your hands shot up to cup your sizzling cheek and a loud groan of pain left your mouth.

 

"Where do you think you're going?! We aren't finished!" You could feel Greta's nails, which had been painted a pretty pink color that day, sink right into your hair. Even though her nails did look very nice, they didn't feel very nice, not one bit as you fought against her grasp.

 

She pulled your face upwards, and when you had opened your tightly shut eyes, you got a quick glance of her fist skyrocketing to your face! The impact caused you to drop to your knees, Greta's hand still tightly clutched your hair as her friends laughed at you. 

 

"Just look at her face! The face of a whore!" You heard the one with dirty blonde hair exclaim, soon getting kneed straight into your cheek by the other girl.

 

You could hear their cackles as each of them continuously hit you with punches, kicks and slaps. Your eyes were watery with tears, which didn't help very much since you were already feeling lightheaded and dizzy.

 

With an abrupt  _whack_ you felt nails dig into your temples and two strong, broad objects jarred you underneath your chin which earned a loud cry of agony from your bloody, bruised lips.

 

"Hey..." You looked up at Greta, who was now sitting on your shoulders as if you were some kind of an animal. Her friends, who had the front row seat of everything, watched with amusement, "Bark." She demanded.

 

Once you didn't do anything, her nails dug deeper into your temples and she leaned over your body till you no longer had to pull your head up to look at her. "I said bark!"

 

"...Ruff..."

 

"BARK LOUDER!" Your ear drums rung from how loud the girl on top of you shouted. Cries left you as your mouth trembled when you opened them to talk-or bark per se.

 

"Ruff...!"

 

"LOUDER!!" Her friends giggled as they watched the scene in front of them.

 

"Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof!"

 

She grasped your hair and painfully pulled at it so you wouldn't be able to look downwards, only upwards, at her hyena friends.

 

"I SAID LOUDER! ARE YOU DEAF?!"

 

You opened your tear-filled eyes, kept your head high, but your eyes were on the ground, "WOOF! WOOF!!"

 

"MORE!!" She screamed past her friends loud laughs.

 

"W-WOOF...ARF...RUFF RUFF!!" You tightly shut your eyes again and gritted your teeth in pain, humiliation and hatred. Greta gave your hair another hard tug, that's when you finally looked upwards, with such hopelessness and weakness, and finally made the sounds of a Rough Collie.

 

"WOOF! ARF ARF! RUFF RUFF RUFF! W-WOOF W-WOOF WOOF! WOOF...."

 

And that was the beginning of your Unlucky Morning.

 

                                                                                                                                  ⍏

 

_As seen in the incident with the hospitalized family, governmental authority is particularly ineffective at dealing with kidnapping and disappearances. Even in time-sensitive child abduction cases, the police display a noncommittal attitude. And frequently fail to respond quickly in most cases..._

 

You had nearly dropped your bowl of cereal and milk once you had heard the news. You ran towards the house phone on the wall and quickly dialed Beverly's phone number. The girl was most likely asleep at this time, but you needed to make sure if she and the rest of your friends were to go to the Neibolt House and take on the monster. They were surely to die, and as you waited past the constant buzzing of the telephone, you tried to make up excuses as to why they shouldn't go.

 

"...Hello?" Asked a rather sleepy voice. It was no surprise as to why the ginger would be sleepy. The sun had just begun to rise!

 

"B-Beverly...sorry to call you so early in the morning, but..." You grew hesitant with each word. You weren't sure if you should tell her that they were sorely, sorely mistaken for wanting to go back to the Neibolt House. Maybe you could tell them just what Ben had said.  _I'll be 41 and far from here!_

 

Or maybe you should just tell her the truth. That you decided to chicken out and flock off from the topic. 

 

_The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy._

 

"I'm not going to the Neibolt House." You heard shuffling past the phone, then a sudden  _bang_ sound, as if the girl had abruptly taken a seat to steady herself from falling.

 

"But, (Name)...why not? We all  _need_ you (Name). We all need each other. We're all in the same losers' boat, and we're all in this together. We all agreed on this." Her soft words filled you with rage. You hated how they all  _"needed"_ tohave you at their sides. It was as if you were nothing but a trump card or wild card for them to use in order to defeat Pennywise. And there was no when in hell you were going back into that hell hole. Just as Stanley had said to Bill that same day, they were all bat shit crazy!

 

"No Beverly! I'm not going back there! I'm not crazy like you and Bill! And I never agreed to do anything! Unlike the rest of you guys, I actually got a chance to experience what it really was like in the depths of that place! And you two-you two just want to put me back there!" You released a shaky exhale, and you knew the stupid red head was in shock from the silence on the other side.

 

"I'd rather just stay home and wait for this craziness to end! And so should you, Beverly. And that's final! Don't call back-don't come to my house-just leave me be!" You finally slammed the phone back onto the holder with rage. You stared at the ground, not moving a muscle, just staring for what seemed like years, until you saw the tears plopping onto the ground. Loud cries left you as you slowly slid down the wall. You felt weak, so very weak, it was as if a piece of you had just died and now you had completely nothing to live for.

 

You hated your friends, but at the same time you had still loved them. You just couldn't take it anymore! You couldn't take the pain anymore. You couldn't take the grief anymore. Then, at that very moment, it was as if your demons had now talked to you, filling your throbbing head with various ways to end your life.

 

_Slit your throat with the kitchen knife on top of the counter_

 

_Use a piece of rope and hang yourself_

 

_Overdose on sleeping pills_

 

_Eat the rat posioing in the cupboard_

 

_Go to the bathtub and electrocute yourself with the toaster_

 

_Slice your wrists deeply until you bleed out_

 

Abruptly the phone loudly rung above you causing you to nearly jump out of your skin. You knew it had to be Beverly again. Hoping to coax you with her annoying voice. 

 

You felt at your chest, checking for the friendship charm she had bought for you, in hopes of destroying it. You soon remembered that the asshole clown had taken it from you the same day you had gotten kidnapped by him-it.

 

The phone rung again, and now you quickly stood, placed the phone to your ear and got ready to curse the stupid bitch out.

 

"LEAVE ME ALONE-YOU FUCKING MORON!"

 

"Whoa-whoa-whoa, there's no need to be so hostile!" Exclaimed a familiar voice from across the phone. It had been Mr.Gray! And you instantly felt dumb for shouting.

 

"Oh! Mr.Gray, I'm so so sorry! I just had a disagreement with my friend a while ago." 

 

"Yes, yes. I understand it happens all the time." He let out that friendly chuckle that he would always release when he talked to you. "Anyways, I just wanted to know if your mother is still home. My schedule got shifted so now you'll have to see me at my work area to have our secession."

 

You were happy to hear that you had another session with him (not really) so that you could tell him how idiotic your friends had been.

 

"Ah, no she actually already went to work. I'm not too sure why she left so early today, she's usually as slow as a snail." You jokingly stated to the man.

 

"Okay, well when she gets back please tell her to call me."

 

"Of course." You soon hung up the phone and you felt tingly. He had actually  _cared_ for you. Someone had actually cared for you for the very first time. Unlike your fake friends who had simply used you for their advantage and wouldn't take no for an answer. 

 

Then suddenly, like a cold just getting better, the demons came rushing back.

 

_First it was the monster, then it was Bill, now it's your therapist?! You've no place in Heaven!_

 

"Shut up..." You murdered while taking a seat on the couch in boredom. There was nothing to do but watch TV, read boring books, and day dream about Mr.Gray.

 

A thought finally came to you. You could take a walk to Seven Eleven to get a slurpee. You had rarely went for walks since you had your bicycle, but your bicycle did nothing but remind you of your friends. It had also been a long time since you any sweet snacks. Your mother claimed that candy and other sweet things would turn you obese so she hid almost all of the sticky sweets somewhere in her bedroom.

 

You had only 15 dollars and Seven Eleven wasn't too far from your house. In all honesty you just wanted to burn time before you went to your appointment with Mr.Gray. You put on a short sleeved shirt and overalls with old black and white Converses. 

 

You shut the door but left it unlocked since you knew your neighbor-Joe Harth-was awake and about next door. His head snapped towards you, and the mean old man let out a scoff and a scowl. He was rude to nearly everybody in Derry, upset for your mother who was like a "daughter" to him. The aged man most likely wouldn't let anybody get into the house since your mother lived there with you, which was a good thing, but his mouth was something you couldn't stop. It was like a waterfall, and you knew that once it had reached afternoon he would tell your mother that you had went outside.

 

"Girl, where do you think you're off to?" He questioned as he stopped his rocking on his old rocking chair made of wood. "You best get your little behind back into the house."

 

"I'm going to the store..." You didn't care now that he was to tell your mother that you had left the house. You simply felt  _numb_ from all the pain.

 

"When your mother hears this one..." He shook his head which made his white sagged skin jiggle just like a turkey's snood, and he took a sip from his cold water. You rolled your eyes at him when his gaze averted from you.

 

You soon strutted forward, enjoying the breeze. And that's when you had realized that your face was bare and visible for everyone to see, but you didn't care. It felt nice. You felt nice.

 

Once at Seven Eleven, you had bought a large slurpee along with a small colorful jawbreaker that you had stuck into your back pocket while you sipped your icy drink.

 

You gave the slurpee machine one last longing look, knowing that you weren't going to see the colorful, magical thingamajig in a  _very_ long time. As you made your way towards the exit of the store, somebody, a certain man stopped you in your tracks. Right in the isle with the different coffee holders that ranged from flavors like, mocha, hazelnut; cinnamon and even bacon-flavored coffee (talk about  _disgusting_ )! Stood Mr.Rigger, a true rare sight in Derry. He was a rich man. Rumor says that he lives in a huge mansion on the very peak of a tall grassy mountain somewhere in Derry, of course, you didn't know if it were true or not. He was always seen dressed in his Sunday best, and with his pet poodle at his side. But today a well groomed Cavalier King Charles Spaniel accompanied him, who was wearing on an overpriced golden and black Versace collar.

 

You slowly walked towards the strange man dressed in all white, "Good morning, Mr.Rigger." You said with a smile.

 

The mysterious 50 year old man with his black hair slicked all the way back with gel turned to look at you, you could smell cigarettes and strong cologne as you inched closer to him. "Good morning, (Name). I haven't seen you in quite some time. Are you doing well?" His eyes skimmed over the white bandages littered across your neck and chest, before resting on your bright eyes.

 

"Yes I am. I'm doing much better now after...all that has happened."

 

"That's good to hear." He spoke while resting his coffee cup on the counter. You looked down at his dog and crouched down in front of it, placing your slurpee on the ground next to you.

 

"Oh, I see you've a new dog!" You ruffled the head of the adorable pooch, who seemed to be well trained. It didn't stick out its tongue or processed to hump you by the leg like most dogs did. It simply stood there and let you rub its soft head. 

 

"Yes. A friend for my poodle back at home." His middle finger twitched back and forth as the leash slightly moved each time you rubbed the dogs head. You pulled your head close to the dogs, foreheads touching, and growled at it. Making small 'Arfs' here and there to see if the well trained mutt would be fazed.

 

"He's a nice dog, huh?" Voiced the mysterious rich man.

 

"Yeah. I _really_ like him." You said while looking up at the dandy.

 

"He likes you. He doesn't like everybody." His middle finger twitching as you watched him speak.

 

"Who does he like?"

 

"He can smell when people are sweet. Like you. Nice young people." 

 

You simply smiled at his odd, yet, benevolent words.

 

                                                                                                                                          ⍏

 

You moaned in delight from the hard sugary candy that you rolled in your mouth. Even though it had tasted slightly weird since you had brushed your teeth after drinking the slurpee (so that the colors didn't show on your tongue and lips), you still enjoyed it.

 

You heard the doorknob twist and turn a few times, and you knew your mother was back home from work. You quickly spat out the jawbreaker onto a napkin and tucked it into your sports bra before you mother could even step inside the house.

 

"Hi, mother. Oh, Mr.Gray called today. Apparently I'm suppose to meet him at his office now I think. He said to call him back when you get the chance." Your mother placed her bag onto the table and stared at you with a cross face.

 

"So, I heard from Joe that you went outside today." Your face burned with rage, but the anger quickly subsided once you remembered that you only went out to relax and burn some time.

 

"Oh. I just went outside for some fresh air, no big deal." You shrugged your shoulders, even though you knew she was going to beat you later on. She soon turned to the corded phone on the wall and dialed a number, which you had guessed was Mr.Gray's work number.

 

"Oh no-no-no. It's not too late for us to meet you now, we'll be there in about an hour." You heard your mother say against the phone.

 

"Come on (Name). Change your clothes, you have to go to your appontment."

 

"Aww man. Don't you think it's a bit too late to go now?" 

 

"Just get dressed."

 

 

It didn't take long to reach the clinic. And once you had, you were instantly brought to Mr.Gray's office. His office looked so...normal. It was a much different color than the hallways of the clinic, which was dull and only consisted of two bland colors. The walls of his office was a faint yellow color, with glass windows which were shut by dark brown blinds. There were two simple turquoise couches. One on the right, which was big. You had guessed that he sat on that one. And another, rather smaller one that only one person could fit into, which was for you.

 

The man was dressed in a gray vintage suit, along with a white and black bow. He was richly dressed, and looked as if he were expected to be at a Microsoft interview. You shared a few words with him before he took a seat on the big turqouis couch and gestured that you sat on the smaller one across from him. On the small table between the both of you had a small glass of water and some napkins in a box that matched the colors of the room. Everything was so neat that you nearly thought that Mr.Gray might have had OCD.

 

He read something off of his clipboard then his blue eyes snapped towards you. You recoiled from how keen they were and felt odd in the gut. He was almost inhuman, unearthly. You had bet that if he were to take a quick walk, let's say, to fetch some water for himself, people were to stop and stare and whisper behind a fan, 'That man...how beautiful, how he gleams...how he moves. It's not natural!" He was odd He was like the type of guy to slow dance with his lover while listing to rock music. To put it simply, he was mysterious, charming and unique.

 

You found yourself looking down at your hands, fiddling with your fingers like you usually did when you were around him. "So, (Name). Can you tell me how it's been so far?"

 

"Horrible." You said with a deep sigh. "I totally ditched my friends. Threw 'em in the trash. They were just acting so...weird. So annoying. So aggravating. And they never listened to a word  _I_ had to say. Their a bunch of...a bunch of..." 

 

You struggled to find the correct word to describe the lot of them. Until Mr.Gray answered for you, _"_ _Assholes?"_

 

"Y-Yes! A group of assholes!" You said angrily as a witty simper was placed on his lips while he listened to you. You took a swallowed hard before continuing, "I don't...I dunno if it really was a good idea for me to actually throw them in the trash like that, you know? Maybe I should have taken a deep breath, regained control and explained to them how I was feeling."

 

"Can you tell me what the whole disagreement was about?" He asked.

 

"It's...it's sorta private..." You looked back down at your lap and you could see tears falling onto your thighs, leaving a dark blue color on your jeans.

 

"(Name), you have to open up to me.  It's part of the reason as to why you're here." He said sadly. You slowly looked back up, but your gaze was averted from him. You wiped at your tears before opening your mouth to talk, but Mr.Gray had beat you again.

 

"Is this something to do with the clown?" A gasp left your mouth and you looked back at the therapist once more. His face was still and serious, "H-how do you know about that?!"

 

"You told me something about a clown the first time we met. You went completely catatonic, (Name). Do you get enough sleep at nights?" You shook your head. Most nights you were too afraid to even close your eyes, Pennywise might have been underneath your bed, getting ready to attack. Or maybe on top of the ceiling like a spider. You  _never_ knew.

 

You shook your head at his question, feeling horrible about yourself because you knew you looked like shit since you were hardly getting any sleep. He wrote something on his board before looking back up at your wet, innocent eyes. "The clown...yes it has something to do with the clown." You couldn't continue the sentence, you had broken down in front of him and it took you by surprise when you heard him chuckle. 

 

Your head quickly shot up at the chuckling man with anger and confusion and shock, "W-wha-"

 

"I'm sorry. You're just too  _adorable_ when you cry." Your heart fluttered from his words until he said 'continue' and you did.

 

"Can we please  _please_ skip this thing about the clown,  _pleeeeassseee?!"_ You were practically begging him, with clasped hands and a wet face. All he did was smile at you before adjusting his board on his lap and pushing the box of tissues closer to you with his long index finger. You quickly took one out and wiped at your face.

 

"Okay, (Name). We'll skip it, for now. But we'll have to come back to it sooner or later. It sounds like something serious." His smile soon faltered once you had stopped crying and gazed up at him with tired, saddened eyes.

 

"You look like you need sleep. You should try watching less TV at nights and go for a cup of chamomile tea before bed. Your favorite kind, right? Your mother told me so." You nodded your head to his question and smiled at him. You liked it when he talked about the things you liked.

 

"Please (Name). Please come back next week and at least let me see you looking a bit more lively." He walked over to you and wrapped his arms around your shoulders. He smelt a lot like sandalwood, patchouli, and rosewood. A rather earthy smell that warmed your body even more from his soft touch. No one had hugged you so sweetly for years, which brought back the silent tears.

 

When he pulled away, he handed you a small grey handkerchief, that smelt exactly like him, along with a tiny business card. 

 

"Here's my personal phone number. I'm not too sure about what's going on with you and your friends and this clown, but if you need someone to talk to, make sure you call me -or the police immediately." You took the card and thanked him with a small smile. You felt a bit safer now, and you palmed the card as you walked out of the room and met with your mother. You knew that if she were to find out that a man you hardly knew had given you his phone number, she were to tear the card up or throw it in the trash.

 

The both of you soon went home, and at that moment you had realized that you had liked Robert Gray _._  You liked him _alot._ But you didn't want to become too fond of him. You didn't want to become the Lolita to his Humbert. The ending of that story, _always_ terrified you.


	10. Musophoba

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Musophobia-The fear of mice and rats  
> This chapter may include spoilers to the novel, but if you don't care then read on :)

To be beautiful is to be almost dead, isn't it? The tiredness of the perfect woman, the languid ease, the obeisance, lifeless, colorless, pale as ivory and as weak as a mouse. In the Victorian era there was a brisk trade for photographs of dead women. The corpses, improved with cosmetics, then posed in postures of abject surrender and photographed. The men who have now turned into beasts, circulate the pictures then pleasure themselves. To have you in my arms again, dead and impotent, my dear, such delicacy...

 

                                                                                                                 ⚌

 

Have you ever woken up one morning and just thought about all the mistakes in your life? And then the rage begins to bubble up at the thought of how you could have easily fixed those little stupid errors? But then you break down crying because you know that there is no way to go back into time, like the Doctor would when he stepped into his TARDIS, and fix all those mistakes. So now you just have to live, knowing every single day that you had committed those stupid little errors.

 

That's exactly how you felt this morning when you had woken up. So much for a good night's sleep.

 

It took you by surprise when you went downstairs and saw your mother talking on the phone. Another thing that had shocked you was that she had made breakfast for you. Something she had rarely done. You took a seat in front of the plate of steamy waffles covered with thick maple syrup, scrambled eggs and 3 pieces of crunchy bacon, along with a small glass of OJ.

 

"Eat up, (Name)." The woman said as she hung up the phone, "We're going to see grandma." Your mother stated which made you look up at her in surprise. You hadn't seen your grandmother in years. She lived in Bangor and had Alzheimer. She had a housekeeper that watched over her.  And you remembered the time when you had went over to the elderly woman's apartment and called the housekeeper a 'maid'. You remembered the how a bright smile was placed on her brown skin once you had called her that. 

 

You quickly finished off your meal and ran up the stairs, excited to get dressed and see your grandma again.

 

                                                                                                          ⚌

 

You and your mother had to take a train to go to Bangor, which you hated. You very much disliked the mucky smell of the subway, or the old men that would constantly stare you and your mother down, grinning with their yellow, chipped teeth. But what you hated the most, were the rats. Each time you saw one, you could feel your blood curl up, the hairs on the back of your neck stand, and the goosebumps on your flesh. They were  _disgusting_ and reminded you of the Black Death pandemic that you had studied about in history class.

 

"Hold this for me." Your mother said as she handed you a big gray bag that held a carton of milk, bread and some cheese for your grandma. You watched as your mother struggled to get a card from one of the vending machines. You suddenly felt a familiar tingle in your nether, telling you to go use the bathroom.

 

"Mother, I have to use the bathroom."

 

"Go ahead, but make it fast." You placed the bag onto the floor next your mothers feet and hurriedly walked towards the sign hanging from the ceiling that read 'Restroom'. You quickly pushed the door open and covered your nose from the horrible smell in the single-stall bathroom. You locked the door and stared at the toilet. 

 

_The amount of people that have placed their butts on this toilet must be a shit ton._

 

Instead of sitting on the toilet, you tried to squat over it, afraid that you might catch a disease from sitting on it. While waiting for all the fluids to leave you, you heard a familiar squeaking sound that caused you to snap your head to the right. In the corner of the toilet was a little brown mouse, peering right up at you. 

 

Like a giant elephant, you let out a loud holler and quickly jerked yourself away from the toilet while pulling up your panties. Just as you were about to place your hand onto the door knob, the old light of the bathroom abruptly flickered off. And once it turned back on, you let out a scream of fear from the sight of dozens upon dozens of rats crawling out of the toilet and towards you.

 

The light flickered again and again and as you struggled to get a hold of the lock of the door knob, you caught a glimpse of the many rats creeping at your shoes. Some ranged from white to grey to brown to orange to black. Another scream left your trembling mouth as you found yourself stomping your feet onto the ground as if you were in some kind of marching band.

 

You suddenly froze in fear once you heard an otherworldly squeak behind you. You slowly turned around and nearly jumped out of your flesh once you saw a humongous rat with dirty, brown matted fur struggle to crawl out of the toilet. You only caught glimpses of it's wet, stinking figure. It was nearly the size of the damn toilet! All it needed was a crown and it could have been labeled the king of rats from how frightening and enormous it was.

 

It's black gleaming eyes met yours and that was your cue to finally stop staring and actually get the fuck out of this place! You saw it charge at you, past all the other mice that kept pouring out of the toilet like a waterfall, you quickly pinched the tiny lock and twisted it. Your hand quickly gripped at the door knob, and you turned at it but got the air knocked out of you from behind. 

 

The door was slammed shut again and you could hear the heavy breathing of the king rat on top of your back. You could smell the stink from the rat. And no matter how many times you had screamed, nobody came to help you. You wanted to vomit once you felt the tiny mice's fur against your cheeks and your arms.

 

You kicked and struggled past the pin of the creature. The giant rat sunk it's teeth past your clothes and onto your shoulder, and with much power you were flipped to your back and shrieking once you saw the rats face so close to yours.

 

Instantly the lights stopped flickering and there was nothing but darkness and quietness. The squeaking of the mice were inaudible, even your heaving breathing was. And finally past all the quietness was a disturbance.

 

" _Mommy..."_

 

A loud cry left your mouth when the lights turned back on and you saw the huge rat with its mouth gaping open. And out came a disgusting black liquid that fell into your mouth. Your screams were gargled by the dark fluid going down your sore throat and into your nostrils. It tasted tangy and foul and smelt of garbage. With one more flicker of the light, the creature and its underlings had vanished from your sight. 

 

Your body was jerked forward as you tried to cough out the remains of the thick blackness that stained your face and your blue dress. 

 

You finally left the dirty bathroom. Even though you were going in the opposite direction of where your mother had been, your feet just kept taking you somewhere you didn't want to go to. Past all the buzzing people that stared at your deranged frame, up the escalator, and soon to an empty hallway that most homeless people would hang out in, but no one seemed to be there at the time.

 

You soon found yourself laughing uncontrollably and as you tried to turn around and walk back to your mother, you were staggering to the wall, wild fits of laughter leaving your wet lips.

 

Your stomach ached from laughing so hard and as you turned around, your feet just kept moving backwards, carrying you farther and farther into the long hallway. The hallway echoed with your noisy laughter while you wobbled backward, leaning over your throbbing stomach from time to time and flinging your head back only to release more loud laughs. If anyone were to walk by, they were most likely to think an earthquake was taken place from the way you drunkenly swayed back and forth.

 

Screams left you while you rabidly rolled against the wall. It was as if something was controlling your body and you were battling it from the inside out. Your shrieks rung through the air as you stumbled forwards and reached your hands into the air as if you saw an angel and was reaching out to it. Your body felt hot...almost as if it were on fire, and you begun to furiously shake your head equivalent to how someone would if a spider were crawling in their hair and they were trying to get it out.

 

Your screeching soon stopped and you were left heavily panting. Your eyes wide and your face confronted in terror. Almost as if you had just seen a ghost. Both of the back of your hands were pressed against the side of your face and constantly being yanked back over and over again. Booming bellows left you as your body kept bending forward and backwards. 

 

Nails clawing at your forehead then being dragged down your sweaty face as you moaned out in pain. Your heaving chest, which was wet with your sweat, painfully ached from how hoarse and heavy your breathing had become. Teeth grit so harshly that you could feel your veins popping out of your neck, arms wildly flailing this way and that. This act didn't stop the loud grunts that you weren't able to control.

 

Your vision became blurry with each step you took. You felt as if you were about to collapse any minute, and the raging, unmanageable shaking of your head didn't help. It swung left to right and front to back, till you felt your spine cramp from the way you arched. You sounded exactly like a bulldog who just finished going through a hard exertion, and had begun panting so heavily that anyone asleep would wake up.

 

Your eyes nearly rolled all the way to the back of your head once your heart beat had quickened. And you finally dropped to the dirty ground, your arms outstretched and jiggling each time your head bobbed when you took a sharp inhale and let out a loud rugged exhale. It felt as if your calf had contracted, and you let out another loud, frenzied holler of pain that dragged on and on through the hallway. 

 

After being on the ground and having something similar to a seizure for a couple of minutes, you finally fought on and lurched back onto your wobbling feet that made you teeter. You quickly groped at your crotch through your dress that sizzled with pain as you practically made small hops towards the other white tiled wall. Head continually tossing while you screamed your heart out.

 

When you had finally made it to the wall you could barley even control your failing arms and instead pressed your jolting, sweaty body against it. You could hardly breath and your body uncontrollably jerked itself against the wall. And with one final scream of a banshee, you dropped to the ground like a rag-doll, certain that you were finally dead until your throbbing, sweaty legs kicked at the floor and your possessed body rolled on the ground countless times. 

 

Your loud animal-like panting was brought back as you soon steadied yourself on your knees and let out moans of pain. Your shaking hands reached towards your scorching groin. And you let out a scream when you saw nothing but pure blood pool from beneath your dress. A thick white substance drizzled from your mouth and nose, and onto the blood. The liquid that piled up in your mouth tasted like Milk of Magnesia, chalky and pastey.

 

It felt as if you were being stabbed numerous times in your vagina and you had begun to piss your organs out. You held onto your breath and waited for the pain to subside. Only for it to come back, but this time a yellowish substance, that looked like egg yolk, mingled with the blood and the white goop that ran from your mouth and your nose. You tried to scream out 'help' but instead a loud distorted screech left your wet lips. 

 

You held onto the unbearable pain once more and waited for it to go away, which only lasted for one second as you let out another thunderous scream. 

 

"(Name)!" You heard your mother cry out past your screaming, but didn't bother to look at her. Your mother dropped the bags in her hands and ran towards you. She gently held you in her arms, getting blood and the white substance all over her blouse. 

 

" _Shh, shh._ It's okay (Name). I'm here, I'm here." She comforted you and you soon stopped your screaming and weakly rested your head against her shoulder.

 

"Come on. We have to get you cleaned then we'll go home so you can rest." 

 

As the both of you slowly walked through the subway station your mother had gotten asked by many people if you were okay.

 

"Yes, she just had another one of her fits." Your mother would always reply back with a small friendly smile that she had forced on her face. When she neared the same bathroom that the king rat had emerged from, you were snapped out of your trance like state, and furiously shook your head at her. She gave you a confused look before finally walking out of the damned subway station. 

 

The both you had gotten a ride back home from a kind taxi driver, which you slept through the ride. Once you had reached home, you still didn't say a word to the woman, all you did was stare off into your own world, rarely even blinking. She helped you get undressed and looked concerned about the blood between your legs. She had washed you up and dressed you in a loose fitting night gown.

 

"(Name)...can you hear me?" She asked once she had laid you upon your bed. Your eyes were closed and your face pale and still. "(Name)? Can you hear me?" She asked again, this time sounding very desperate.

 

"Of course..." You finally opened your eyes to look at the woman. 

 

"This morning you went into a spell, or a fit of a kind. It was...unnatural."

 

"Did I? How  _interesting."_ You were now smiling which shocked your mother. She wouldn't have expected you to smile through all the pain you had went through.

 

"Don't you remember? You've been asleep, mostly." You simply shook your head at her question.

 

"Who dressed me?" You asked while looking down at the nightgown. The woman was shocked again. How could you have forgotten so easily?

 

"I-I did..."

 

"Like when I was a little girl!" You exclaimed while looking up at her with the brightest smile. "Oh no you didn't dress me as a little girl, how silly of me." You chuckled to yourself.

 

"You weren't there to dress me, were you? You were  _rarely_ there. You were away on some journey or other." The smile grew back onto your lips as your mother stared at you with confusion.

 

"I always tried to follow you into that odd solarium that you had always gone off to. But you were in  _terra incognita._ That's where you said you were going. What adventures you had with those  _men._ Do you feel you are there again, mother?"

 

"(Name)?" Your mother stumbled to say as she watched you with fear. 

 

All you did was chuckle as you leaned past your mother to pick up the glass of water on the counter. "Fat grandma wept of course. Is there anything more comical than seeing a fat woman crying? It never quite comes off." Your mother slowly moved backwards as she watched you sip the water, then place the cup gently onto the bed next to you, and move closer to her face.

 

"You  _hated_ her fatness. You always have. But fat grandma wept because she had missed you, until she bit into her pillows so we wouldn't hear her-and then turned to her pills so she wouldn't sleep at all." You burst into laughing at how stupid the old woman was before she had gotten her Alzheimer.

 

"Poor fat thing!" You giggled out before sighing and looking back up at your mother. "Tell me about the other men, mother. Not about William-I know all about him." Your mother quickly moved away from you with a gasp as she watched you giggle at her reaction. "You could have attended the funeral for God's sake-but you hated him!  _Oh_ , you hated evil William! The man who fucked you into oblivion-and gave you this damned baby!" 

 

Your mother gave you an angry look before she clasped her hands tightly together and took a step closer to you, " _Oh,_ that look, is it now? The look you'd always give me whenever I went out those days to  _fuck_ my friends!" Your mother watched as the glass of water begun to shake on the bed, "Or at least you thought! You hadn't even the decency to ask what I did with them! You'd thought I would lie! Lie just as you did each time you came home early in the morning from fucking those men, you whore!"

 

Once you had finished your sentence the cup flew upwards and shattered into pieces against the ceiling. She quickly looked back down at you, who had been growling like an animal. In an instant you had flung your body upon her and continuously scraped your nails against her chest in anger. Your loud growls mingled with her shocked cries as she soon connected her fist to your face. When you looked back down at the enraged lady she blew another one till you finally fell to the ground with blood dripping from your lips.

 

                                                                                                                       ⚌

 

"Honestly, I'm feeling much better." You said while brushing your hair and looking up at your mother and the man next to her. Dr. McCoy, your pediatrician since you were a wee little girl. The 40 year old man simply smiled at you as he watched the dried up bloody spot on your cracked lips.

 

"And where did you recieve your medical degree, Dr. (Surname)?" He questioned you which made you smile and stop brushing your hair. "Would you excuse us?" The doctor asked your mother who went as still as a block.

 

"Go on mother. He still thinks i'm ill, I think." Your mother soon slowly closed the bedroom door and left you and the doctor alone.

 

"May I make a quick examination?" The doctor begun to take of his jacket and placed his big black bag onto a small chair in your room. You simply smiled at his question before answering, "Discretion, always..."

 

"What happened to your lip?" He asked while placing his cold stethoscope to your chest.

 

"My mother thought it was best to 'sedate' me. Crazy old woman."

 

"You have a steady pulse." He soon took hold of your head and stared into your eyes and told you to 'look up' or 'to the right' before he took his auriscope and checked inside your ears, which tickled.

 

"Your visual responses are perfectly adequate." He soon placed all of his items back into his bag and crouched down to feel your stomach. "You have to eat something."

 

"I'm not hungry for soup or porridge," You said as your eyes wondered around the room, "Cotton candy is what I want now." You slowly took his big hands in yours, "You have very clean hands."

 

"...Yes I suppose so..." He awkwardly stated as he watched you eye his hand. "Do you like to stay clean?"

 

"I suppose I do..." His hand soon begun to slip away from yours, only for you to quickly grasp them and bring them upwards.

 

"That's why your still a virgin!" You exclaimed while resting his hand onto your cheek, "Or maybe not! Who can tell about such things in life? Suck hidden things?" He looked stunned as to what you were saying and by the way your eyes had widened so big as you talked.

 

"Such secrets we have, don't we, Doctor?" You rubbed his thumb against your dried lips. Abruptly, you widely opened your mouth to bite off his thumb in a playful way. He quickly pulled his hand back, watching you in shock with your gritted teeth.

 

"There's this line I heard once. Once from a woman with bright blonde hair say. 'The day which we fear as our last, is but the birthday of eternity'." The man quickly got up to his feet, breathing deeply and placing the back of his trembling hand to his lips.

 

"Your clean hands are trembling. Are you afraid?" You asked. The brown haired man had no idea how you had knew about his deceased wife, or how you had heard that quote she would always say.

 

"No. Not of you." Was all he said once he had regained composure.

 

"Hmm, do you know of a greater demon? Tell me of him. Or shall I tell you?" You asked while drawing your knees close to your chest as you watched him gape at you with such fear that made your smile widen. He soon walked over to his bag and picked it up along with his jacket.

 

"Is the examination over?" You watched him quickly head for the door. Instead of answering your question, he simply shut it.

 

 

"What should we do?" Your mother asked the doctor once he had taken a seat in the kitchen.

 

"I have to ask you a question. Has she ever been touched sexually? In a way that she didn't like?" Your mothers mouth was left gaping open at the question before she blinked a few times, "N-no-I-I...no." 

 

"Well, (Name) seems to have a deep psychosexual responsiveness. I would say that the root of her condition lies there. In guilt. Something or someone has triggered it."

 

"Well, she use to hang out a lot with her friends. Most of them were boys." 

 

"Okay. Let's imagine this. She has an erotic encounter with one of the boys, maybe all we don't know. And it evolves into some sort of sexual perversity that produces feelings of shame or guilt. That might produce-" Before he could finish the sentence your loud screams filled the house. Your mother quickly ran upstairs to check up on you. And the door bell loudly rung which caused Dr. McCoy to jump in fear. 

 

Once he had seen who was by the door, he soon opened it and before he could say anything to the little ginger girl before him, your loud eerie screams had filled both of their ears. The girl had pushed her way past the man and had run upstairs.

 

The sight before her had made everyone go silent. On the floor were splatters of your vomit and dozens of your clothes which had been flung onto the ground. And there was you, huddled up in the corner of the room and slightly rocking back and forth as you softly groaned to yourself.

 

"My God..."

 

"B-Beverly...?" Your mother had asked once she saw the ginger girl standing next to her, who had looked just as surprised as everyone else. She soon slowly made her way towards you.

 

"(Name)...it's me Beverly...you weren't answering any of my calls so I decided to check up on you." She said once she was crouched in front of you. She softly took your hand in hers and watched as your dry lips slightly moved, "N-no one has ever taken my hand so sweetly for many years." You sniffled out as you looked up at her saddened face. 

 

"Can I ask you a question, Beverly?"

 

"Of course..." She whispered out.

 

"Did you fuck them? Or did they fuck you?" Your words caused Beverly to recoil as she watched you with shock.

 

"At the Neibolt House. The group of you. You know what I'm talking about, Beverly." You said while gasping as the girl took a small step away from you and let go of your hand.

 

"You fucked them, didn't you?" You asked with a dark smile on your lips. The frightened girl took another step back as she watched you weakly smile up at her and contort your head downwards as distorted moans left your mouth.

 

" _Mmm. Goddamn._ Did you enjoy it?" You looked back up at her with half-lidded eyes as you placed your sweaty palms among the ground, and moved closer to her. "You fucked them and you left little old me out. Why didn't you tell  _meeee?_ _"_

 

"Yeah...fuck behind my back and don't tell me..." You moaned out as you know looked up at the girl on all fours. "Guess that Henry boy was right...he did try to warn the others...she'll do you...just like ssssshe did meeee." You mocked Henry's voice and your head snapped towards your mother once you heard her talk.

 

"The sedative, doctor..." She said while she watched you. You looked at her, your gritted mouth begin pulled into a snarl once the both of you made eye contact.

 

"Ah. Is the whore back for more?!" With one quick motion you had leaped upon your mother and got pushed back from Dr.McCoy. 

 

"Don't touch me! Virgin doctor!" You grabbed Dr. McCoy's hand and pulled him towards you with your mouth opened up in a snarl.

 

"Restrain her!" Your mother yelled out as the Doctor grabbed your arms and your mother tightly wrapped her arms around your torso. Beverly watched in incredulity as you spat and kicked at them.

 

"Leave her! You imbeciles! Leave her to meeee! You fools-you fools-you fools! Kill her-kill her-kill her-kill her!" Dr. McCoy soon took the needle and pushed it into your arm, which instantly weakened you.

 

"Kill...her...kill..." You gasped out and fell downward. Beverly quickly helped by supporting you. You looked at her with your wide eyes and gaping mouth, "Hate...you..." Finally closing your eyes and hunching over lifelessly.


	11. Caught Between Two Stools

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING WARNING: This chapter was lazily written and has pure filth in it! Enjoy if you may ┌( ಠ‿ಠ)┘

"Why don't you slice up those cow tits of yours and make me a sandwich?!" 

 

"Oh, shut up Rich! Being a dick won't make yours any bigger!" You and your friends had been playing Would You Rather. And Richie had seemed to disagree on your decision to the question (Would you rather get cum in your hair after you've finished styling it or right in your eye)?

 

"Besides, I wear glasses, so being cummed in the eye won't do shit to me." You rolled your eyes at him while the others laughed their asses off.

 

"Okay-okay! This one! Have sex with someone who hasn't showered in a year or someone who hasn't brushed their teeth in a year!" Eddie exclaimed as everyone pondered on the answer.

 

"Someone who hasn't brushed their teeth in a year! You don't even gotta kiss 'em or let them give you a BJ! Just dick her down and that's it!" Richie piped up. He was always quick to answer the sexual questions...not a surprise.

 

You'd go home after spending some time with them, only to get yelled at by your mother once she came home from work. 

 

"Mr. Joe told me he saw you with a group of boys. (Name), mind telling me what's going on?"

 

"Nothing! And Beverly was there too! You know her, she would never let anything bad happen to me!" Your mother would rub her temples and let out a sigh before demanding you to go to your bed room.

 

Once you could faintly hear the opening of Sing Your Praise To The Lord downstairs, you'd jump off your bed and grab the small razor blade hidden in your drawer.

 

"Mummy, why am I always sad? Why doesn't God make me happy?" You'd ask your mother when you were merely 5 years old, clutching onto your stuffed blue rabbit and looking up at the woman who had been cutting up radishes.

 

"(Name), God doesn't want you to be happy. He wants you to be strong."

 

                                                                                                                               *

 

You awakened from your sleep with a loud gasp. You were sweaty and felt parched, and quickly swung your head to the left and right frantically. Nobody was in sight. That's when you could make out the door in the corner of the dark room. You moved your numb legs, and ran towards it. You wanted to get out of here-you  _needed_ to get out of here, or the thing would surely come back for you. 

 

You hurriedly twisted and pulled at the door knob which was locked and pounded on the door, screaming at the top of your lungs for help. You had finally gotten fed up and decided to kick the door down like you would see in the movies, before you heard a voice, "(Name), what are you doing up? Go back to sleep, your still sick-sick as a dog."

 

"M-Mr. Gray?" You couldn't stop shaking once you caught the tall man standing in the shadows of your room. Instead of feeling relieved and happy, you felt scared. Your head was spinning, you had no idea what was going on, and you thought he were here to rape you.

 

"Why don't you come here, my darkling?" You quickly shook your head at his question and stayed pressed to the door. "What? Is it something that I said? Am I ugly? Don't ya like me anymore? I sure as hell liked  _you."_ You wished he wouldn't but he did. He took a step closer to you and all you did was continuously shake your out stretched hand at him. Once he was in front of you, you turned around and let out shrieks while slamming at the door.

 

His eyes were  _yellow._ The color of the Devil's eyes. All of Hell's bells went off in your ears, and you tried your hardest to escape. Your loud screams and uncontrollable banging on the hard wooden exit came to a stop once you had felt two fleecy hands snake up your abdomen, and finally, gently rest upon your breasts. Hot air fanned against your ear when he spoke, "Finally...I finally got my hands on you again. There's no need to run away from me, just come down to the sewers with me instead of being here. The whole day...just the two of us...doesn't that sound wonderful, my dear?"

 

You were frozen in place, and broke down in a cold sweat like you usually did when he were around you, "N-no..."

 

" _Ahahaha!"_ His hands quickly left your chest, and you had gotten forcefully pulled by your right wrist, bumping straight into his hard abdomen. "I've never felt this good my whole life! Just being with you is a far greater pleasure than anything I could imagine. It feels like I'm going to die if i'm not near you. Even taking control of your body isn't enough for me!" 

 

You could hardly see anything from how tight he held you to himself. His breathing grew hoarse and you could tell he was trying to control it, "Doesn't it feel nice to have someone care about you so much? To have someone who wants to stay with you forever? But if it feels so good...then why does it feel more and more like something horrible is going to happen between us? Maybe that's why I tried stopping myself at first...but the feeling is too strong now. I don't care anymore, (Name)!"

 

"I-I don't like you!" Your scream was muffled against his body, which only made him release a loud  _HA!_ "You can keep saying that, my dear. But I know that somewhere, deep in that little shriveled up cockroach heart, that you truly care for me. I  _must_ tell you! I'm...I'm obsessed with you! I don't care what the consequences are anymore! I don't care if your friends will cry! I care about you so much that I even kept that little necklace that Bev gave you." You gasped at his words. He actually had  _feelings?_ And he kept the necklace?

 

"I just want to rip open your skin and crawl inside of you. I want you all to myself...doesn't that sound PERFECT?!" He giggled a bit at the last part, "N-no...I don't want you..."

 

It was silent for a moment before he let out a small laugh, ".. _.Ahahaha. Ahahahaha! AHAHAHA!"_ The grip on you soon loosened and you swiftly pulled away from the clown who was laughing like a maniac. 

 

"I-I'm sorry! I can't...I can't...YOUR GOING TO KILL ME!" He was silenced once you had yelled at him. His eyes were filled with so much emotion you couldn't tell if he were sad or angry or happy or scared or excited.

 

"I'm sorry. Look y-you're right-I  _do_ care about you...but I can't _be_ with you, because you'll kill me! Just like all the other kids! This isn't something new! You probably daydream about the others as well you sicko! To be honest...I wish we could become better strangers."Your hands trembled with each word you said, you knew he was bound to do something unpredictable. That's what he was, an unpredictable  _mess._

 

"My poor (Name).  _You_ are no stranger to  _me._ I know everything about you. And when you had told Mr. Gray about yourself, I couldn't help but laugh, because I knew  _everything_ already. It was almost as fun as watching you sleep at nights, or hearing you scream, or seeing your lovely skin when you change clothes. (Name), I get so  _tired_ of watching, I want to start doing."

 

"Y-you sick fuc-"

 

"I'll never let you go...never...never...NEVER!" A loud scream left your lips when all of your drawers begun to loudly rumble and shake, till the items fell to the ground. And as fast as you could say 'Jack Robinson' you had grabbed the door handle and swung it open with all the power you had, and quickly ran out the bedroom and into the kitchen.

 

"MOTHER! We have to get out of here we have to!" As the words left your lips, the loud sounds emitting from your bedroom had stopped and you stared up at the staircase in confusion.

 

"(Name)?! What are you doing down here?! You have to get some rest!" Your mother said while walking towards you. You had noticed that both her and Dr. McCoy's clothes had changed.

 

"W-wait mother! How long have I been asleep!" She stopped pushing you and gave you a concerned look, "For a whole day." You could hear the abrupt tolling of a bell as you took in what she said. _A_ _whole day?!_

 

"M-m-mother!!! No, I-I saw...I saw...a RAT!" You quickly ducked past her arms and ran into the living room. Dr. McCoy gave you a confused look before talking, "Is everything alright, (Name)? You look very hungry, please sit down and eat." You shook your head at his question in fear, before you realized that someone was missing.

 

"Where's Beverly?"

 

"Oh! Your friend? She had to leave. She said something about her father and she looked as if she were about to cry...poor girl." You ran back into the kitchen and dialed Beverly's phone number. Even though it was late at night, she might have still been awake. Abruptly the sound of your mother's scream filled your ears. Dr. McCoy signaled for you to stay downstairs as he quickly went up into your bedroom to check on your mother.

 

"No! Don't go up there!" You quickly followed after him and what you saw in your room made your knees feel weak. Crawling and squeaking were millions upon millions of mice on your bedroom floor! You felt so dizzy  and disorientated that you had begun to see small fuzzy black dots, until everything had pixelated into darkness.

 

                                                                                                                               *

 

The next day, you had woken up early in the morning. But one thing wasn't right, you were in your mother's bedroom. She was nowhere to be seen in the room, and you swore that that idiot woman hardly cared for you. 

 

Flashbacks of what had happened yesterday filled your head and you let out a heavy sigh. You didn't want this war to continue happening, you wanted it to be over. You weren't a  _fighter._ You weren't a _hero_ , and your friends simply betrayed you. Maybe giving up yourself to Pennywise would be better. He'd have something to eat, right? Unless he stuck to his words and planned on torturing you again.

 

You passed your bedroom, then the bathroom and made your way down to the kitchen where you saw a ham sandwich on the table. Your eyes were glued to the corded house phone on the wall. Were you sure that you wanted to call Beverly? You were hopeless, alright. And desperate...maybe talking to her wouldn't be such a bad thing? Maybe hearing her voice would give you a bit of hope.

 

"Hello...?" 

 

"(Name), is that you?" You went silent when you heard her voice, and you remembered that same day where you had refused to go to the Neibolt House. Suddenly, a thought ran through your head, like a wave would across sand. All smooth and barley in a hushed whisper

 

_She fucked them._

 

"Y-you fucked them..."

 

"Huh? (Name), was that you?"

 

"You fucked them! YOU FUCKING WHORE-"

 

"(NAME), LISTEN TO ME!!!" Everything went silent until she finally spoke. "We saw It, (Name). We defeated It, you shouldn't be upset." You knew she was wrong but decided to stay silent.

 

"We were lost, and cold, and nearly divided, (Name). Without doing that...I don't think I would be talking to you on the phone right now."

 

" _Oh._ Did you tell yourself that last night? Hmm? While I was home,  _dying,_ you fucked the others. I guess I should just go  _die_ now!"

 

"No don't!!!!"

 

"You should learn how to take a joke as easily as you take dicks, whore!" You hung the phone up in rage and sadness. You felt as if you were truly the worst friend anybody could ever have. You didn't even tell her that It wasn't defeated. Sobs left your mouth as you wiped at your running nose. Maybe you really  _should_ die now.

 

"(Name), who were you talking to?" Your mothers voice caused you to gasp and jump, before looking over at her. She wore on a gray robe, held a yellow medicine bottle in her hands along with a small glass of water, "I was in the living room."

 

"Beverly...Don't worry about it though. Just a little disagreement." The woman in front of you looked nothing but uninterested as she popped out two pills from the bottle.

 

"Here. Dr. McCoy prescribed this, he said you need sleep." You hesitantly took the pills and the water bottle and simply stared at it. "Take it, and go take a shower then eat." You swallowed the blue and red pill before your mother had spoke again, "Open your mouth." You showed the stubborn woman that you had taken your medicine before you went upstairs to wash up.

 

After taking the shower and eating, you went back downstairs and rested on the couch.

 

You were too afraid to sleep in your own bedroom or even your mother's after everything that had happened. The sound of the running water from the sink was comforting to you, and you soon found yourself drifting off to sleep.

 

                                                                                                                           *

 

_The red room_

 

You had been here before, and when ever you were, it meant no good. 

 

The clown stood in front of you, holding something in the palm of his big gloved hand. You could see it, a single razor, that he presented to you with a disturbing smile.

 

"Razors have so many  _interesting_ uses, don't ya think?" 

 

You looked up at him. His snake eyes never leaving you. Then a small pang of guilt ran through your body. You took the razor and put numerous deep cuts into your left arm which had begun to heal. But you had cut the way Pennywise had told you to long time ago, vertically. You could hear him take a deep inhale and let out a loud exhale, "You smell different when your sad."

 

"I don't...care..." Was all you said while placing the 10th cut on your arm. When you were done you simply let the small blade that was stained with the color of vermilion slip from your hands and onto the ground. It was as if your mind was somewhere else, racing with millions of thoughts at the speed of light. One in particular had snapped you out of your reverie, "She...fucked them...they fucked her...and they broke me..."

 

"Mother told you to stay away from them didn't she? Mother told you it would be like this."

 

"Yeah, she did. I feel like a part of me...had just died." You watched as the liquid fell from your eyes and pattered onto the bright red ground.

 

"You know..." He stated while lightly gliding his hands down your neck, "The veins in your neck are exquisite. Simply exquisite." Even though his compliments were creepy, they warmed you. You leaned in closer to his touch till you were practically standing on your toes. He was comforting to you.

 

"(Name), I won't tell anyone...so I hope that you could be a bit more honest with me." You looked up at his smiling face with confusion, "You and I are the same, but different, and different but also the same. One thing that is for sure...I'm on your side. So...please tell me. What is it that you want?" 

 

The words that left his mouth were loud and clear to you. Maybe he really was on your side and was simply trying to wake you up? Maybe the others were the true villains, but in secrecy. Maybe that was how it truly was. And you wanted that one itch in the back of your throat gone. That one itch that wouldn't leave and kept invading your mind every where you went.

 

"I want...what Beverly and the others didn't give me..." In a flash everything turned into pure darkness, Pennywise was missing and you were left alone and scared. Flashes of images of your friends shun right before your eyes which causes you to recoil in surprise. More and more pictures started to flood your vision until you had tightly shut your wet eyes and opened them.

 

You were placed in your bedroom. It was dark outside from the view of your window, and that meant that your mother must've been asleep.

 

"That was...one hell of a dream." You scratched the back of your head while getting off of the bed. You remembered that you had cut yourself and looked at your left arm, to see no wounds. You slowly rubbed your arm up and down, feeling goosebumps all over your body. Did the Devil come back?

 

Perhaps this wasn't a good choice. Maybe you should have apologized to Beverly.

 

"My dear, if you leave me I will surely die. Would you like that?" You shook your head at his question. You could hear him but you couldn't see him. "Good, or else I would have taken control of your body again, it's so much fun watching you writhe in pain." Something touching the back of your neck, gently lifting the tendrils of your hair upwards.

 

You could feel something like a feather stroke against your cheek, "I can hear your heart. It's beating like a humming bird, are you that scared?" You shook your head again at his question.

 

"Your friends have filled your brain with so much lies. Can't you feel them...crawling back into your ears?" You could. And you rubbed your ears as if a moth were trying to get within them and nest.

 

"You must refuse them, and accept me." You were hesitant at first, but then said the thing you hadn't told him in a long time.

 

"I accept you..." You could tell something aroused within him from the way you could hear his uneven breathing and felt something touching your breasts, something stroking your breasts and thighs. "Your such a good girl, you must be dying for your reward, I can practically see you frothing at the mouth! I can smell it radiating off of you, the strong scent!" You suddenly felt sleepy even though you had just woken up. Were the pills meant to do this? You told the Devil to 'stop' and rested upon your bed. Your eyes felt heavy and you felt as if you were dreaming when you looked up at the dark ceiling and saw that it begun to slowly sink towards you.

 

Something touching your face and your tender nipples which caused you to bite down hard onto your lips. "I'm telling you to stop, I don't want this anymore. I hate this. I don't want to see you." You whispered but you meant the very opposite, that you would cry out in agony if it stopped. "Stop making me think of my friends..."

 

You could feel the moisture pumping between your legs, and your body, opening like a flower would. 

 

"But I know you don't want me to (Name). I know that you love me." He giggled and you could feel something soft touch your lips and the side of your neck. The sucking came hard, rhythmic and rough on your nipples. You could feel your face flush in embarrassment when your arms were flung out and the nightgown was lifted off of you, until you were sweetly lying there, naked for him.

 

Opening like a purple iris in a garden. Like the roses exploding on the ends of their darkened stems and the leaves with so many sharp points in them.

 

Hot tongues licking your nipples, lips closing on them, then pulling them. Now, you couldn't stop the sounds from leaving you. No matter now tight you closed your watery eyes and bit your lips till you felt pain, your mouth shot open and the loud noises left you. 

 

You were soaked and your chest heaved up and down, but he wasn't done just yet. He wanted more. He lifted you so that your head fell backwards, your hair tumbling down, your eyes closed and hands laid behind you in pure surrender.

 

The mouths pulled harder on your hard nipples, the tongues lapping greedily at them, the sharp fingers in between your thighs that made you wail in pain. The hardness gliding along your wet folds and inwards. Your senses were flooded with the smell of clean, hard flesh and of sweet candy. 

 

It slammed into you and the pain soon turned into pleasure. Your body was abruptly pinned to the bed and the length burned you as it drove deeper and deeper, scraping your small clit, and out stretching your vagina. You were nearly split apart. A laid waste when the orgasm flooded through you. Your mind blank except for the raging blinding colors before you. You heard your own cries, but they were far away, unimportant and flowing out of your mouth in a divine release after the immature sex.

 

You laid underneath your covers, naked. The sun had begun streaming in the windows on the front of the house. And the memory of what had happened wounded you. You were nothing but what Beverly was. A slut, a whore. It felt as if God was mocking you, laughing at you each time you regretted doing the horrible things you do. 

 

But somehow, your Devil was never quite what you expected when you met him face to face. You had realized that the Devil wasn't some man with horns and a tail. He can be beautiful, because he's a fallen angel. And use to be God's favorite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hell is empty and all the devils are here...


	12. Just a note

You probably thought that this was another chapter, but It's not, sorry ;( I just wanted to say that I won't be uploading for quite some time. I've been falling back into my unhealthy coping mechanisms and have had been having bad days at school that just made me wanna end it all. I'm super sorry for getting your hopes up, only to let it down. I just wanted to get this out of my already foggy head. Many thanks to my readers out there ♡


End file.
